Okay mommy coming! I said to my son picking him up. I was struggling a bit with him. Since I got shot I wasn't producing enough milk to nurse him. I was trying not to feel like a bad mom cause it wasn't my fault but I can't feed my child was really getting to me.
When Monster would give him the bottle he would stroke his hair back and rub his ear but he didn't want me touching him. I was in so much pain and needed some help.
I picked up my phone to call Micah. I could hear crying in the back. "Hello!" He said answering angry.
Hey I was wondering if you could come sit with Ja'Kari for a bit?
You mean Prince? And I can't right now I got the baby!
Who Major?
No.....look I just can't right now I can try to get over there tomorrow or a few days but not right now.
See this is what I'm talkin bout Micah!
WHAT? Queen what?!
You! You always putting my baby second! You literally just had her and Major the other day. I got shot for crying out loud and now you acting like you can't take care of two babies when you literally was just doing it? FUCK YOU MICAH!
Fuck me? I ain't the reason you got shot if you wasn't messin with that bum ass Nigga you be able to take care of him!
Excuse you? He's more of a man than you could ever be in your whole entire life! And you should thank him the way he stepped up into YOUR SON LIFE! This is your fuckin blood and I didn't fuck myself and have this baby this your son your biological son! But you keep taking care the next bitch baby and leaving my son.....
This is my daughter! She's my fuckin daughter I fucked up I had two kids at once I fuckin fucked up I know. I can't take care of two kids at once I don't know what the fuck I'm doing I know you got it that's why I don't bother you as much. I know my son has the best fuckin mother to walk this earth for him but my daughter is going to depend on me for everything in this world cause her mother can't!
Glad to know Micah! You'll never see my son again! I said sternly. I hung up so fast throwing my phone into the couch. I was so angry! Ja'Kari pulled away from me and started crying. I tried to switch boobs but the milk was gone in both. I layed him on the couch and slowly made my way to the kitchen to give him a formula bottle but he was all out of milk. I started to break down crying. What the hell was I going to do. I felt like a complete failure! My baby cried and cried and cried. I picked him up and gave him a little bit of water. After he fell asleep, I dried my eyes and grabbed my phone. I could instacart some baby milk. But that plan failed cause it's a baby formula shortage and it says can only be picked up in stores.
I started to dial Monsters number I made a huge mistake letting my man go off of emotional and pain. His phone was going straight to voicemail I wasn't getting an answer at all. I'm not even sure if it was his number since his voicemail didn't go off.
Hey girly! How you feeling? Yonna asked coming in the house.
I'm not okay! I said wiping the tears from my eyes.
Oh my god Queen what's wrong? She asked sitting next to me.
I made a terrible mistake I let my man go off of stupid ass emotions, I feel like I'm less of a mom cause I can't produce enough milk to feed my child and he's out of formula and Micah finally, finally admitted that, that little girl is his and he can't take care of two kids she needs him more that's why he can't really help with his son.
What?! Look here! She digged in the bag she had in her hand. "I seen he was almost out this morning so I stacked up on a couple cans for the babies so don't worry about formula! Don't worry about Monster or Micah bum ass Monster is the best father figure for that baby anyways he loves him to the moon and Beyond he'll come back around! Fuck Micah okay! Ja'Kari is gonna be better off without him in his life anyways! "
It's just not fair to my baby!
It's not but that's why it's your place to protect and guide him it's gone be okay sis! She said hugging me.
