𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐒

Sixty-four |Ghost of the past

••• ANGEL•••

{TW: mentions of depression/SH}

I sat on the ground in the kitchen, alone. Who knew I would end up like this. On a ground in my-not mine, mine and Angelica's kitchen leaning my head against island while trying not to strangle someone, completely lost in thoughts on how the fuck I could have been this stupid to leave her alone. Fuck, I closed my eyes as I deeply sighed. Since my mother died I became a emotional wreck.

Crying my eyes out and expressing my sad or angry thoughts had been on my daily basis and now she wasn't here to hold me. Since our marriage there wasn't a day without Angelica and if this is how it looks without her, fuck it. I will pass.

Everything was faint as I pushed my thumb and index finger into my eyes not letting the emotions get a hold of me. Fuck I hate this kind of me. I was never like this, emotional, pathetic. I don't regret it cause I became like this cause of her, but now I want to be like I was before.

I was bad, disrespectful, mad in the head, unforgiving and lot more and now I'm a fucking emotional wreck. All the noises were faint as I was suppressing this shit back to feel the rage that is filling me without having a clue who is at it's fault.

I didn't hear the footsteps and I surely didn't see the person that approached me. Someone tapped my shoulder making them sink even more. My angsty teen era is back in my early twenties. Just lovely.

"Angel." I faintly heard Matteo's voice as he was talking to me, I could barely let out auditable 'hm' as my fucking emotions were acting up. Of course with me not being able to handle them as always.

When I was a teenager I used to do a lot of shit when I couldn't handle my emotions. From locking up in my room to making people around me feel as bad as me. Sometimes when I couldn't handle it at all I would take out my blade and you can guess the rest. That's why my hands are covered in snakes and flowers and my wrist has a little semicolon symbol as a reminder of who I was and never want to be again and to always try to control myself.

I added it to my tattoo collection when I was 23 after the so famous wedding that could be turned into Tim Burton movie. That's when I stopped and started to handle it the different, again not so healthy way. Kill sprees, sex, drugs, alcohol and more. Dumb shit.

Then I met Angelica and it seemed like I didn't needed it, not anymore, not ever again and now that she wasn't here I didn't feel control of myself. I felt anger and sadness. Not a good combination.

"Angel." Matteo's fingers snapped in front of my face and I was out. Out of my head, out of my thoughts, now cold and empty ready for information before everything consumes me and I will kill everyone I will see around me.

I looked up at him and gave him my full attention with expression that wasn't on my face for almost nine months. Cold, empty, dead.

"Tell me what you found out in the car." I ordered him as I stood up from a ground and walked out of the room. He followed me to the car, I was ready for this.

"You sure?" Matteo asked me and I just looked at him before remembering to keep my cool, when you don't want to yell...nod. So I nodded.

He pulled out a laptop and took it into back of the SUV we were in. In front there was a driver, I adjusted myself in my seat as Matteo opened the laptop on his lap. He typed in a password, files started to load along with pictures, voicemails and more. We needed to be quiet because of his suspicion of our cars being bugged.

So he just showed.

Photos of me and Angelica were all over the screen along with chats with anonymous contact that was either receiving or sending them. Photos, dates, files, family parties and things not even I knew about myself or Angelica. They were stalking us for months-not months, years. Some were from dates that were one or two years old.

There were pictures of Angelica with Jackson or me with hookers. Pictures of drunk Ethan, pictures of fucked up Ethan I never wanted to see. Pictures of my mother when she was alive. Everyone.

This was far more then Russians and their little threats. This was planned to the last detail. Every paper of our marriage contract has its copy here. I have no idea how the fuck Matteo got to these but I was fucking grateful he did.

"Fuck." I sighed under my breath as I was scrolling through everything.

All of this started three months after Alia's death. It was weird since I don't remember anything which could trigger such a hatred and obsessive behaviour towards me or my Mafia. After everything I did during my rampage, I made deals with all of them of keeping a peace.

I went through it slowly, my rage cup only filling to the top. This wasn't just some random shit, this was years of preparation. I saw a little dot along with date that was on a copy of Angelica's pregnancy ultrasound photo. There was a date next to it, today's date.

I went more into it now frantically going through pictures of me and Angelica sleeping and then I stopped. There was a picture of a note. Note with writing that I thought I will never see again.

Another wave of emotions went through me as I was looking at it. Cold chills spread down my spine making me shiver. I didn't wanted to click on next tab and yet I did. There was a picture, a unmasked picture of a mysterious woman.

My heart clenched as my mouth opened in the sudden shock. How is this possible? She is supposed to be dead...it can't be. She had a hood over her head but her face was visible and I needed to double check if my eyes weren't lying to me.

There she was, Alia...my not so dead best friend.

A new found ghost of my past.

•••••

A/N: SURPRISEEEEE...who expected it? No one? Okay...

I was making this chapter while me and my little brother were waiting on Fortnite live event since he is sucker for that shit and I love to share excitement with him...anyways I found out that Fortnite is a better story teller then me...I feel deeply offended.

ALSO...as you can see I'm in full on editing of this story I mean rewriting and adding my own pictures here like you know I always add quotes but now I'm just making it on my own cause I was always into graphic designs...follow your dreams kids

Love you all very much and also HAPPY PRIDE MONTH

This year I'm openly bisexual and who knew they would congratulate me on Bi pride that was on Friday...I actually felt loved that day when I got like HAPPY BI PRIDE LOVE with lots of hearts in colours of my flag

Okay I will stop rambling now...or not cause I hit my 
8 days milestone today which means I'm 8 days clean

Love you all and thank you for reading

-your LovelyRoseBlossomm<3