Astrophile

A/N

Honestly speaking, I don't know how to start this. I thought I was ready, but I'm not.

It's not easy, and it never will be for me. But I'm glad that you guys have given me the support that I had needed. I still can't believe it, even though I know it's the truth.

On the 31st of May, 2022. At 3:45 AM... My mother passed away.

I know that I shouldn't be writing this, I should be grieving.

But I'm at peace. She's out of her suffering, and she's in a better place. I wonder if I could have done something to save her, but those will always remain as regrets upon my mind.

At least I was able to give her the ghusal (Last bath in Islam) myself with my older sister and a few of my aunts. At least we did the funeral rights of my mother, ourselves.

But truthfully, there's nothing I could have done. The cancer had effected everything. Her lungs, her liver, her kidneys... everything.

The cancer wasn't just metastases. It was literal cancer, spreading faster before the doctors could do anything. She was in so much pain that in her last moments, we asked if she could be shifted to a ventilator, but the doctors said that they wouldn't do it because it'd cause her pain.

They wouldn't even have defibrillated her, had her heart stopped because her liver might have bursted if they did. In the end, she had a cardiopulmonary arrest.

I'm thankful for all the prayers and kind words you guys have sent me. But I'd don't think I'll be able to update. I might put this book on a hiatus, simply because I can't think straight. Don't worry, I won't discontinue this.

I also have my exams coming up, and as much as I wish I could just skip them, I can't. So I need some time.

Thank you so much for understanding. And for all my Muslim siblings, please pray for her easy judgement. At the very least, she passed away after seeing all her loved ones and hearing both Surah Yaseen and the Shahadah.