Lemon Tree//JohnnyxSodapop//One-Shot

Have You Seen My Childhood?

[TW: Angst]

Johnny was standing in the nursery of his newborn. He was afraid to even step closer to the infant. Sodapop was standing behind him, observing the situation. He and his husband Sodapop had successfully conceived and delivered a precious baby boy. Which Sodapop lovingly named Lemon James Cade. Since he was more of the food themed Curtis, he went with it when it came to unique names. Plus, there were other people out there named Lemon.

Johnny was being so standoffish with the baby because he was afraid, as mentioned before. Johnny knew he wasn't his parents. However, deep down he was still terrified of what he could do. Johnny was still a human, and sleep deprivation was one hell of a thing. Johnny was too terrified to pick up his own son because of his own shitty parents. It was tearing Johnny up inside.

Johnny would get close to do something with his son, only to get freaked out and get Sodapop. Sodapop would, for example, be making food. He would ask Johnny to watch the baby and feed him, or something similar to that. Johnny would make the bottle, get to the crib with his crying son inside, and then run away. Trading off with Sodapop because he was simply unable to do it. Johnny didn't even fully understand why he was acting this way. He hadn't held his son since the day he was born, then when they took him home from the hospital two days later. Johnny just wanted to hold his son...

Sodapop was just as upset in the situation. Because he was tired and wanted Johnny to be able to have a physical bond with his son. Johnny needed to heal from his childhood so he could focus on the childhood of his son that he was currently shaping. A scared father was an absent father in this situation. Sodapop was going to be there for his husband to help him move forward and let go of the trauma he carried with him.

"Go ahead honey, stand next to the crib." Sodapop said softly from behind Johnny.

The smaller male slowly approached the crib. He held onto the railing and looked down to see his son. Lemon was looking up at his daddy, cooing and reaching his arms up to Johnny.

"You can pick him up, I promise." Sodapop said. Johnny shakily reached his hands down into the crib, gently picking up the baby. Focusing on supporting his head. Johnny brought Lemon against his body to fully support him. His entire body had a slight tremor to it; he was still so afraid.

"Deep breaths, love. Lemon is okay, you're okay. You're not going to hurt him. Don't psych yourself out... Enjoy being his father." Sodapop said. He had a hand gently rested against Johnny's back. It was soothing for him. Johnny relaxed more and adjusted the baby in his arms; it was starting to feel more natural. By the time Johnny looked down again to see how Lemon was doing, Lemon was asleep. Johnny smiled softly at the sight.

"You did it..." Sodapop praised. He was proud of the other male. It would probably still be awhile until Johnny could stand to be alone with the baby.

Johnny still couldn't help but feel terrible. What kind of person was he to go and have children, but not be able to care for them? It made him sick. Why did he rush into it when he knew he couldn't handle it? Well, it partially had to do with Soda. Soda wanted kids so badly, all of the other Curtis brothers had their own kids. Sodapop thought they were ready, but he didn't really pick up on how Johnny was feeling. Johnny didn't want to tell Sodapop no anymore, because it was something they both genuinely wanted.

"I'm sorry, Lemon..." He said softly. It wasn't fair to him or Sodapop.

As for the other Curtis brothers and their kids, it left Sodapop feeling like he had lost an non-existent race. Sodapop had trained his whole life just to be beat out, anyway. Darrel and Two-Bit had twin daughters: Kendall and Genovive. Ponyboy and Steve had a son: Chartreuse– yes, the color. That one specifically made Sodapop most upset. He was mostly grossed out by the fact his friend was plowing his brother; they are married now, but Sodapop was upset for many years while they were simply dating. Did Sodapop start going out with Johnny to get back at Pony? No, but it did even out the playing field that Sodapop made up in his own mind.