Ember Kate

Chapter:: Seven

After that, I started to count the days. During summer, everybody forgets their Mondays from Fridays; but not me. I counted sixteen days since my fight with Locklan. I didn’t know I would regret my words as much as I did. I was lying in bed when I got a call, listening to a depressing album by some Goth band. I heard my home phone ringing, since it couldn’t be the cell phone I smashed when my parents bought it for me some few months ago. I answer on the third ring, taking the time to wonder who would call me this early. Since Locklan would normally just show up if he were still speaking to me, I hesitate to answer.

“Hello?” I ask, leaning over to turn my music down.

“Ember? Locklan is in the hospital. He said he would call you, but I thought you’d be here by now. He’s going into surgery.” I hear a voice I can only assume is Locklan’s father. But that doesn’t make any sense; it hasn’t been that long since I saw him; what is he having surgery for?

“Are you sure? I saw him only a little more than two weeks ago. He seemed perfectly fine!” my voice had suddenly gone high pitched, and I cleared my throat to make it go to normal.

“Your California trip? Locklan told me that it was your guys’ last hurrah or whatever before his surgery.” He pauses, taking a deep breath; he sounded tired. “I thought he would have told you. Anyways, you can come down to the hospital. He’s already gone in though.”

I roll off the bed and fall to the ground in my hurry to get out of my sweats and sweatshirt. “I’ll be there in five minutes.” I mumble before I throw the phone on the ground. I freak out, wondering why he let me yell at him and run into the water if he was suffering so badly. He could have told me to shut up, because I’m being a baby and there’s bigger things in the world than my unhappiness. I wonder if I would have listened, as I run down the hallway to where my mom should be.

“Mom?” my question falls short. She’s not in her buying room, where she has chairs and clothes all stacked up. I assume she’s at a meeting for a disorder or addiction she doesn’t have, which makes me angry. I run to the door and decide I have to run all the way to the hospital.

~

When I get there, Locklan’s father is sitting with his head in his hands. “What’s wrong? Was it a car accident?” as soon as the words come out, I know the answer. It’s no, because he knew about his surgery.

He shakes his head. When he lifts his head up, I see that his eyes are bloodshot. I take a seat next to him and watch the people in the waiting room. “He has had spinal tumors for a while now. The doctors found them when he was thirteen the first time. He went back at sixteen to get them removed, and he’s been putting off another surgery for a few months now. They are so close to important areas that they can’t reach all of it. They have to keep coming back.”

I don’t know what to say, so I don’t. I feel like a jerk. Being all worried about asking him what was wrong, when he was seriously hurt. To the point where he needed surgery. Why did he put it off so long? I keep thinking this question over and over. Its a few hours before a doctor comes out to us. The whole time I kept glancing over at Mr. Hensen, wondering why he’s freaking out so much. If Locklan had this same surgery done every couple years, shouldn’t he be used to it?

“Mr. Hensen, how are you today?” The doctor asks him, his eyes looking at me strangely. He doesn’t seem put off when Locklan’s dad doesn’t say anything. “Locklan is recovering in a room, you can see him now. The surgery went as well as it can in his situation.” The doctor looks over at me again, nodding, and the he moves back to the white double doors. I wonder why he chose to become a doctor. Was it his choice? Or did he have a pushy father with high hopes? I’m surprised these thoughts are running through my head after the doctor told us that Locklan was just beyond those doors. I started to walk over when I noticed that Mr. Hensen was still sitting there.

“So, um, are we going to go in then?” I ask him awkwardly, wringing my hands together. I hope that he isn’t crying, because I don’t know what to do. I walk up to him and put my hand on his shoulder, looking around the room, and decide to pat his shoulder comfortingly.

“Yes, of course.” He rubs his eyes, and luckily there is no trace of tears. He nods, standing up so my hand falls off his shoulder. “I’m sure Locklan will be happy to see you.”

“I’m not so sure . . .” I mumble as we go through the doors. We go into a room that I don’t catch the number of. There is a curtain, and Locklan is in the first bed. He’s half way propped up and his eyes are closed.

“Locklan?” Mr. Hensen says, and Locklan’s eyes pop open quickly. He smiles and then he sees me hovering behind his father, and his eyes show something that I don’t know what to make of.

“Hey, dad.” Locklan yawns and stretches his arms out in front of him, only wincing slightly. I wonder if they cut open where they did before. What a weird thought. He ignores me, keeping his eyes on his father.

“Locklan, I called Ember.” He gestures to me, and Locklan actually looks at a place beyond me. “She said you didn’t call her. I thought you did?”

Locklan looks at his dad, his eyes burn with guilt. “We fought, and it shouldn’t have mattered. I was being stupid.” I look at him, trying to decide if he means that or if he is just saying that because Mr. Hensen is in here.

“I’m just going to grab a nurse and ask her how long you should stay here. I’ll be back.” His dad walks out of the room, leaving me space to walk closer to his bed and pick up his hand.

“Are you just saying that?” I wanted him to say no as I held on to his hand that didn’t have the IV hooked up to it. I wanted him to hold my hand back and told me that he was never really mad at me, that he was just giving me space to cool down because he knew how angry I could get. But did he really know me that well?

“I don’t know.” He says, his hand still slack in mine. He was looking over to the wall where a green blue color was lightened by the sun covered in blinds. “We left things off pretty bad. But I just don’t want to lose you. If you leave, I’ll blame myself. Because I didn’t try to take you to a hospital where they could help you there.”

He pulls me closer to the bed so I’m awkwardly half standing and half crouching on his bed. I check quickly to see if his dad is about to come in, seeing that it’s clear, I move to sit on his bed. He moves his leg over a little and smiles when I sit down properly. “Don’t even. I know we left things off shitty. But you had no right to do that. I was surprised, honestly.” I didn’t want to sit here and talk feelings but he had to at least know a little bit of why I told him what I did and why I regretted it. We stare at each other, hearing the regular commotion of squeaky nurse shoes and beeping hospital machines. We both gravitate to each other and he puts his hand with the IV in it not rested on my leg behind my neck, and suddenly we’re kissing.

It’s sweet and something bordering on a light flutter of bird wings, or a whisper of mist compared to a shower of a hurricane. I lean in closer, getting into it. I hear a quick knock on the door and pull away quickly, immediately blushing. I don’t look back at him or whoever came into the room. Instead I duck out of the room quickly, ignoring Locklan calling my name. I keep my eyes glued to my feet which guide me to the hospital doors where safety is waiting for me at home. I run the whole way home and don’t stop until I slam the door behind me.

I pace the living room, breathing hard. It looks like nobody has sat out here in weeks. A thin coat of dust covering the television, and the coffee table littered with old magazines mom used to use when she shopped out here instead of online. The room seems dark and cold, and I need heat. I walk to my father’s office, which is in a short hallway on the opposite side of the bedrooms. Knowing exactly where his liquor is, I open the small cabinet and take whatever sounds the strongest. Scotch and Vodka are two of the ones I recognize. I try to take big gulps, ignoring the burning in my throat. When I stand up again, one of the bottles is gone and my head is pounding strongly. I go into my room and play music loudly, not caring if anybody is home. When nobody comes storming into my room, I turn it up. Losing myself in the tiny regret I have of kissing Locklan while he was vulnerable, I eventually pass out.