Chapter 51:How to be the Biggest Bitch on the Planet

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UNEDITED AND UUGH.

He stands there in shock, frozen for a second as I kiss him. For one moment I think he's not going to kiss me, that he's really over me and he's going to push me back and make me realise just what a bitch I was being.

But then he's kissing me back and it's desperately so, as if he's trying to make up for all the time he's lost. His lips are chapped and they're rough but they feel absolutely perfect.

Alec thought I had cheated on him that night but that night was a peck and I had pulled back. Because I knew it was wrong.

And Jake was always wrong.

But he felt so damn right.

But this, what I was doing now, kissing Jake, the way I was kissing Jake encompassed just how much of a slut I was being, no better than my sister, no better than Natalie.

But you know the thing that made it worse? Made what I was doing absolutely and totally worse than them?

I didn't fucking care.

My hands are in his hair and he's already lifted me up. I tug his hair back and he groans as I wrap my legs around his waist.Neither of us stop to catch our breath, both of us sensing the urgency of the kiss.

He's kissing me like he's been drowning underwater and I'm his breath of fresh air.

And I'm kissing him like I'm never letting him go.

The kiss just deepens after that and I can't get enough of him, Jake is unpredictable, he's wild and he makes me feel all those things and more. He tastes like starlight and fire, dangerous, beautiful and absolutely lethal. I know that even if some sane part of me managed to claw its way through my dazed mind, I would shove her aside so violently because I wasn't going to let go of him.

We finally break apart and we are both breathing heavily, our foreheads touching each other, our breaths mingling. His eyes are shut tight, but I keep looking at him trying to memorise everything about him, the way his lashes are unbearably long, the way he smells like honeydew and lemons and the way he's absolutely perfect.

"We shouldn't be doing this." He says softly his eyes still shut.

"I know." I reply,"But we still are."

His hands slip from my waist and he sets me gently to the ground. His forehead is still pressed to mine but his green eyes are open and he's staring at me.

"You love him, you're with him." He says almost to himself,"You and I both know the last time you did this what happened. You can't do this because you're not this person and I'm not going to let you go through all of that guilt again."

"Then why haven't you gone away already?" I breathe and he winces and shuts his eyes once again.

"Because I'm an idiot." He says.

"And I'm stupid." I say,"Sounds like we would be perfect for each other. "

He takes a sharp breath,"And also shows just how wrong we are."

"Why?" I say trying not to let the bitterness leak into my voice,"It's not like you've slept with my sister twice, the girl whose made my life hell also twice and lets not forget my best friend who can't even look at me."

"Alec cheated on you?" He looks genuinely shocked,"He-"

"No he slept with Samantha two years back." I say tonelessly,"It's like he chose everyone over me. He didn't even look at me until I was something he could never have."

"Wasn't that the entire point about us?" He asked slowly,"That Alec noticed you?"

"Yes." I say,"But I just didn't think it would hurt this much when he did and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't said yes that night. That I had told him that I wanted to wait, that I needed time."

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