19 | Hard to let go

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         I've been looking at three different shades of orange for the past hour or so, Audrey is sitting next to me looking at the different menus of food choices

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     I've been looking at three different shades of orange for the past hour or so, Audrey is sitting next to me looking at the different menus of food choices. Tomorrow is our engagement party, I wanted something simple and hardly anything but my mother-in-law is a raging bitch who disagrees and wants to throw some huge, luxury party.

"All the shades of orange look the same to me." Bodhi whispers with his eyebrows squeezed together, his hand was sitting above my thigh and his shoulder was lightly touching mine.

"Tell me about it." I mumbled under my breath, he smiles at my bluntness.

"No. We have deep carrot orange, melon orange, and calypso orange." His mom says.

My hand lifted the color pallet while tilting my head hoping that a higher view will help the colors stand out more but it didn't, Bodhi was doing the same head tilt as me.

"Oh yeah, I see the carrot." He pointed at the middle color, and his mom glances at the palette.

"That's calypso orange." His mom hums annoyed.

I laughed accidentally, my hand slapped over my mouth trying my best to swallow the laughter.

"Honestly you both need to take this a lit bit more seriously." She rolled her eyes while flipping through more of the pages.

More serious? I'm giving her son everything, every piece of myself will eventually belong to him and not the man I truly care about, the man I care for will be my past and she wants me to give her son even more of myself. My hands were starting to shake with just the thought of never being able to be with Kaz, we'll never be more than just a secret and it hurts to know that.

My smile slowly faded away, "I think the deep carrot orange is the prettiest and will fit the theme the most." I whispered, my hand lowered the color palette.

"Great choice." Audrey says.

We discussed more of the party decorations and what to expect tomorrow, she invited almost everyone in the country and she expects me to look radiant. Only the best can marry into the Rhodes family and my family isn't up to her standards but my beauty does have its perks I guess. The theme is Tuscany nights which I had no idea that was even a thing and I didn't know that was the theme of my entire wedding but from the pictures, she showed us it looked beautiful.

Today was just filled with party planning and wedding planning and it was draining having to fake how happy I was. I didn't care about anything, I didn't care about the food, the cake, the flowers, the colors, even the dress conversation. The only thing that got me through it all is remembering how I could finally visit Kaz, he's the only good thing I have in my life right now.

I glanced at the time on my phone, 10 pm. I carefully lifted my blanket off of me, my barefoot softly touched the wooden floor while my eyes stayed on my sleeping fiancé. I had a dark emerald green silk Pj set, with a pair of shorts and a crop top spaghetti strap. I pulled on my fluffy white robe, I made sure it was tightly wrapped around my body not wanting any cool air to touch my chest.

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