'I Don't Care If You're Contagious' BoyxBoy

'I Don't Care If You're Contagious' 13

Nathan waved bye at Alex as the yellow cab pulled away from the house, a smile plastered on his once sad face. He waved till the cab turned around the curve of trees and back onto the free way towards the city. It was early afternoon, Alex and him spent the whole morning talking, crying, laughing sitting on the front porch with hot coffees in their  hands. Alex made promises, promises Nathan heard before but this time he said he meant it, that he grew up and knows better, that he knows what he wants. If only that was the case with Nathan, he was still confused about what he wanted, Did he want Ash?

The first boy he laid eyes on since he started over, the boy with the lush brown hair and sad eyes, the kind of boy you knew had secrets deep down just waiting to be discovered. A smile so bright that it lit up even his heart, yet Nathan couldn’t shake off his eyes. The eyes tell everything about a person, anyone can mask their emotions , they can lie, they can cheat, they can smile and say ' there okay' , but there eyes tell the story. Ash was a mystery, someone who Nathan still was determined to get to know. But then there was Alex…

Not a boy, but a man. Someone he knew for a very long time and still deeply loved even though for years he wanted to deny the truth. Alex who has been in the family since forever, a good friend to his mother. Alex knew everything about him, right down to the bone. Knew his secrets and fears, his flaws and all. Were as Ash knew nothing at all.

Nathan laid his head on the cool class and sighed fogging up the window with dew. Why can’t anything be easy, why can’t he just have the one boy but keep the other as a trophy? Nathan was deep in thought, If he wanted Ash he’d have to confess a couple things. Tell Ash about his family, everything that made him who he was; every flaw and taunt, his inner demons and most deepest thoughts. If Ash accepted then… maybe there was something for him there. If not he’d go to Alex, move into his house with him, finish school and go to university close by… happy ending right? Nathan scrunched his face up and groaned, all he wanted was Ash end of story.

The cab lurched to a stop on Nathans street, Nathan told the old cab driver to stop a block a way from his house. He just wanted a quick walk and fresh air before he was confined in the spacious house alone. Nathan stepped out of the cab and stretched inhaling the afternoon cold air. Tucking his hands in his pockets he slowly started to walk towards his house dragging his feet and fixating his eyes at the ugly washed out pavement below. Ash still lingered deeply in his mind, he was the boy he wanted, but Alex was still the space that filled his mind. First thing he’d tell Ash was about his family, how he was really alone and has been for a while. Which wasn’t going to be easy since he couldn’t even think about his mother and sister without sobbing like a little baby. Nathan turned right towards his little side walk that led to his door still looking at the pavement.

“aahh fuck this going to be hard” Nathan mumbled and fiddled with his keys but tripped over something that caused him to fly over the person and land on his doorstep in a awkward position.

“ HEY! Watch it man I was napping what the hell is wrong you!” The figure sat up and rubbed his head and mumbled some slurs of profanity. Nathan gapped, he felt his heart skip a beat, he recognized the voice … it was Ash.

“Ash?” Nathan sputtered his name, still in disbelief that he was at his house waiting for him.

Ash shook his hair from his face and stood up swaying well wiping his pants off, he reeked of straight whisky. “Yupp! That’s me babbeeh, don’t weaaarrr it out wont chuuu!?” Ash grinned and placed his hands on his hips he could barely stand.

Nathan got up, this wasn’t like him showing up drunk. “ What the hells wrong with you, why are you drunk? Why are my door step for freak sakes?” Nathan hugged his body suddenly cold, he had a bad feeling in his gut.

Ash hiccupped almost throwing up, then stepped closer to Nathan with a grin still on his face.

“ Well Nathan baby I phoned you!”

Ash poked Nathan in the chest hard

“ But when you answered I heard another guy, I was going to tell you’’

Ash shook his head and burped and swayed some more

“ I was going to tell you that I loved yoooouuuuu” Ash grinned wide but then his faced dropped.

“ BUT THEN! I thought fuck it!” Ash threw his hands in the air and laughed.

Nathan stared in disbelief his heart was suddenly in his stomach, a place were it should never be. He couldn’t breath , he didn’t even know what to say.

“ Ash your drunk go home” The words came out quiet barely a whisper, Nathan fixated his eyes on the ground he could feel tears forming


“ Awwww come on! Don’t be like that now didn’t you want this Nathan?!? You know meeeeee liking you!?! Well look at me now babbeh I’m at your doorstep confessing my love” Ash walked closer to Nathan still grinning, suddenly Ash’s faced went blank.

“ You know you hurt me… you hurt me bad Nathan baby” Ash poked Nathan in the chest making him back up against his door. Nathan grimaced suddenly scared of Ash who seemed 10 times more bigger then ever.

Ash grabbed a handful of his hair “ You fucked with my mind, you really did… You had me thinking… that maybe once I could actually find something… beautiful” Ash’s hands dropped to his sides, he bit his lip and locked eyes with Nathan “ That may- maybe once I could find a reason to love and be happy, that there was still love left in this cruel world.”

“Ash…” Nathan reached out for Ash who stepped back shaking his head looking away, tears were falling from his eyes now and with those tears Nathans heart fell too.

Ash’s voice was a whisper now “ You made the pain go away Nathan, when I was with you, you gave me a reason to live again. To laugh and smile, you gave me a reason… to love again” Ash chocked back a sob and shook his head forcing a laugh.

“ You relieved the pain of their death’s, you made me believe I wasn’t such a bad person” Ash wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

Nathan’s mind was a turmoil tornado mixed with so much confusion, he felt like he was going to puke right there. “ Wh-… whos deaths Ash?” Nathan stared down and spotted a faded dandelion in the empty flower bed. One little dandelion barely standing… that’s how he felt right now.

“ A mother… and her daughter… she was pregnant too Nathan… I don’t know what happened one minute was on the road next minute I was covered in my own blood with the smell of my own burning flesh invading my nose”  Ash took a couple steps back

“ I blamed myself for that accident, everyday… there wasn’t one day that went by that I didn’t think of them. Because of me that little girl wont see her 17th birthday or get her first kiss… because of me that little baby couldn’t even inhale its first breath!”

Ash pointed at his chest, “ Because of me I took 3 innocent lives, and I feel so fucking horrible about it Nathan… you have no clue. But a couple times… you Nathan… you made me believe that I was still a good person deep down”

“ But that’s gone now… I know now that I am a monster… thank you for that… I know what I have to do now”

Ash shook his head and turned around leaving Nathan on the doorstep flabbergasted in disbelief. Nathan chocked a sob back, he couldnt breath, his vision blury with tears he tried to open his door but failed. Suddenly the whole world decided to tilt and Nathans legs decided to slip from under him, the ground came rushing up and Nathan closed his eyes feeling the impact of hard concret. He laid therewith a throbbing pain in his head and the fast beat of his heart ringing in his ears. He couldnt speak, think, process  what just happend, all he could do was lay there hoping the suffocation of pain would gradually slip from his body and disapate into the afternoon air.