𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟷 - 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚔𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙱𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚍 : 𝙰 𝚂𝚑𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚢 𝙳𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚘 𝙼𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚘𝚢

Draco Malfoy

The perks of being dead : a non-exhaustive list, endless, may I say. I could have talked about those perks for hours, for days, without running out of ideas.

Life gave me plenty of reasons for years. Some of the reasons were ephemeral, passing by. A small breakdown, something that one could know in their life at some point. Something that makes you want to stay in bed all day, or just to not exist anymore. To be or not to be, well, I relied the most on the not to be part.

To be, to be vicious, to be smart, to be successful, to be in love, to be loved, to be Hekate Malfoy.

Not to be, not to be traumatised, not to be cursed, not to be weak, not to be mean, not to be nice, not to be Draco Malfoy.

A simple angel and demon trope, only in this case, the angel was a fierce and proud murderer and the demon was trying his best and failing at everything.

Huh, expectations from everybody were killing me softly. I was supposed to be that person. That person everyone wanted me to be, but I couldn't be him, I couldn't be that handsome boy that doesn't feel because my current self was feeling too much, too much to not care, too much to not feel anymore.

In fact, I never thought one could feel that many things, at the same time. One must have been tough, strong. I wasn't.

Learn your arithmancy and your charms, know your spells and potions. Listen and learn, don't complain and do your homework. Focus, Draco. Focus. You can be the genius child your parents wanted you to be. You can be the smart person that will have a nice and high position at the Ministry. No, don't be smart. Be the smartest of them all. Be the best.

Kill. Kill and curse. Take lives, even if it means taking yours during the process. Humanity? No one needs humanity when there's no fear left. Fear is for the weak, fear is for the worst of them all. Don't be the worst. Be proud, be vicious, be cunning and know your way through your fate. Be a proud child. Be inevitable. Be a killer. Be a death eater. Be a Malfoy.

Respect your elders. Respect this not so sane family of yours. Love your Mother, this woman who raised you, this woman who loved you more than anything. This hurt woman that needs you. Love her. Be loyal to your Father, admire him, admire this man that can't show you any affection, any recognition, if not deception and hatred. This man (that will never care about you) deserves your respect. And your sister, this girl you grew up with. You know her more than you know yourself. Be like her. She's the better child, you know it, so be her. Be mean, be ruthless. Be Hekate Malfoy.

Don't love her, this mudblood girl, that makes your world a better place, don't love her. She's not of our kind. She's not made for you. Don't love her or become a traitor. A blood traitor. Or you'll be tortured, or she'll suffer. Or you'll be disowned and forever forgotten. Don't love Katie Bell.

Hate him, this boy that is nothing but misery. That boy you never had time to know. That boy who hates you because he was told you were the bad guy. Be the bad guy, even though you never wanted to be him, be him. Even though you would have preferred being the cool friend, be him. Be him. Make his life even more messy. Bring him down. Beat the chosen one. Be the bad guy.

My mind was already exploding, the sixth year only made it worse. No matter where I was, no matter who I was with, those thoughts were following me, harrassing me, all the time, all together. It felt like I was dissociating. I couldn't think straight. My mind was a battleground, an endless, never ending battle where no one ever wins and the fight keeps continuing over and over again.

At the top of my 'Perks of being dead' list was how good it would feel to not think anymore, to never hear those voices again, to not be.

In second position was the end of my curse.