Ice Blue

Chapter 11

When I wake up, I realize that it's already 8 in the morning. I feel like a rock. My head is heavy, my throat is sore and it feels like there's no air left in my lungs. After crying in Valentin's arms for the rest of the night, I fell asleep at some point and now I'm waking up next to him again. At least that's what I thought.

I open my eyes and see him sitting in the chair that always stands by my window. He pulled it to the corner of my bed and is watching me. I'm asking myself when he woke up and started doing that. Since when is he not taking his eyes off me?

Valentin

Since the first time you closed your eyes last night.

I know exactly what she's thinking. It's always easy to tell because it's written in her face. I can think of at least ten questions she's asking herself since the phone call. I know what she's thinking of, what she's worried about and what's going on inside her. I know her too well.

I didn't take my eyes off her after she fell asleep next to me. She kept twitching, breathing hardly and tensing her muscles. I'm sure that she'll realize soon how her fists and her jaw hurt.

I feel guilty.

I expected a different outcome. I wanted her father and I wanted to hurt him, not her. What I wanted was to get him here. He should've moved his ass here instead of being such an asshole. I didn't expect him to shake her off like that and not care about how devastated she looked. She didn't deserve to see his real face, although she hasn't seen everything yet. Maybe it was time to find out because sooner or later she will find out but not like this. This all wasn't meant to damage her and destroy the image she painted of her family and her life. I'm responsible for ruining it and I need to fix it. I wasn't planning on keeping her here forever. I just wanted him so I could give her back since I was never planning to hurt her. She still needed hope and that fucker just killed that hope she carried inside her since she came here.

When I saw how less that son of a bitch cared, anger built up in me. Something disgusting and dark that I've been feeding for so long got even hungrier. It was starving.

He didn't listen to her. He didn't see her, her tears, her pain. He ignored the pain and anxiety in her voice when she asked him for help while he was busy walking round his island with his damn flip flops and people who seem to be more important than his own daughter. I could vomit. I get sick to my stomach when I think of the way he upset her and my hate for him grows. If this upsets me, I can't imagine how she must feel.

I'm not upset because my plans probably won't work. I took her because I expected her to be the most important person to him. I'm upset because a father doesn't care about his daughter who thought he'd have her back and trusted him so badly.

My thoughts wandered to my sister when I saw her like that. Unwanted by who she loves, left alone in a world that she can't survive in, helpless and heartbroken.

I'm not a monster.

I don't know how to handle her, I can't treat her the way she deserves it because I'm not made for it and this wasn't about her. I am who I am because I deal with awful people and I can't let her do whatever she wants. I need to keep her between these walls so no one gets to harm her. I am harming her as well and this thought is stupid and may make no sense but it's better if I harm her in my way instead of have someone else treat her worse. I'm trying to be as kind and patient as I can, holding my temper back but it's hard. She's getting into my head. She confuses and irritates me, brings me out of concept and I hate that.

I hate how I want more of her than I need.

Anastasia

I sit up.