Learning On A Curve (Namjoon FF)

P. 31 {Into The Unknown}

I felt I was walking in slow motion as I stepped off my porch. My feet, though they felt heavily weighted, still moved forward pulling me down my walkway, across the public sidewalk, and finally, up the pavement leading to Namjoon’s front door. It seemed to have taken me twenty mins to get here even though I knew it was only a matter of seconds.

Still in those few seconds, I had to fight the knee jerk reaction to turn around and make a sprinting run for it somewhere upwards of thirty times. 

All the scenarios of how this could go majorly wrong flew through my thoughts. 

He's not going to want to see me, better yet, speak with me. He's gonna slam the door right in my face and that's if he even opens it in the first place. 

I even tried to convince myself that he might not be home even though I had just seen him go inside moments ago. 

Finally I was at his door, the smell of his cologne still lingering around the frame. Timidly, I raised my hand and paused at the doorbell. Did I really want to put myself through this? Rejection was quite easily on the horizon and I could honestly live without it.

Go get your manz,

Sowan's words rang again brilliantly in my mind and I knew I couldn't go on without knowing, one way or the other. 

I rang the bell and waited for any sign of him. 

There was silence. 

I rang again and waited.

More silence.

Ringing again, I added a slightly frantic knock. Where was he? I know he's home.

I heard a shuffling behind the door but it didn't open. I knew he was there though. I knocked again. 

"Namjoon," I huffed, irritated now.

Nothing. Not a sound.

"NAMJOON!! I KNOW YOU HEAR ME!" This time I began pounding, hitting the door a few times before stopping and forcing myself to keep calm. Even though the person on the other side was being a complete jerk. 

Pressing my face closer to the door, I mewled out his nickname hoping that would have some sort or affect on him. 

"Joonie, open up please."

The doorknob shook some but I was still on the other side of the closed door. 

Finally, I heard his deep scruff of a voice.

"What do you want?"

I wanted to be upset, to feel jilted by his question and tone. But I couldn't blame him. If this was me on the other side of the door, I probably would have spoken the same. 

Clearing the nerves from my voice, I asked, "Can we talk?"

"Why would you want to talk to a dog like me?" 

"Namjooooon," I whine, trying to apologize though the big piece of wood still between us. 

I'm immediately cut down

"Look! School is out. We have nothing in common. Nothing to talk about. We're not friends. We're not anything. We may be neighbors, but we don't have to speak. Just go away and leave this old dog to himself."

Admittedly, that line about us not being anything kinda cut me deep. Before our little tutoring sessions, we were at least cordial to each other. I had thought we had gotten closer and could at least be considered acquaintances but damn, nothing? I understood he was still upset but why be such a fucking prick about it?