Dreamland Review Archive

Moonlight Oaths (V)

Title: Moonlight Oaths

Author: laylagriffin_

First Impressions

Note: This is done before I read the story

Title: Moonlight Oaths is a pretty title I would say. Nothing much to say here.

Cover: The cover kinda blindsided me a bit. I really expected something blue because your title evokes blue and silver to me. But no, it's red. Which I think is an interesting choice for something titled "Moonlight". It's fun and cool to not take the obvious route.

So first impressions already, I get a bloody feel from it because of the dark red? It plus the people wearing armor in the cover makes me think there is a war and they're fighting in it. So it makes me think that it's a dark Asian-inspired story, kind of like the work The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang. If that's the vibes you want to convey then kudos! If not, well, my opinion is my opinion. Try to ask other people who have not read your blurb as to what vibes they get from this cover and maybe you'll see what's the majority opinion?

A note though, the people do feel obviously photoshopped for me. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe there's something about how they're cropped? Their positions on the cover also feel a bit aimless for me. Are they allies or enemies? Lovers or counterparts? Their positions don't hint at what their relationship could be. I think that can be fixed by either making them face each other, or making them back-to-back away from each other, etc.

UPDATE: I saw the new cover, but I'll keep my critique to the cover it had when I first wrote this just in case you still want to hear my thoughts on it.

The new cover's more gold color definitely adds a sense of opulence to it. It adds a lot more fantasy vibes compared to the red which made it feel like it has a war-esque storyline. The people on the cover also blend in more in the cover than the last one, and this time I feel like I can determine some relationship from them? Mainly, in my opinion, they look like they're ready to fight back to back.

Blurb: I like the starting quote. It matches the cover-it feels tragic and melancholic. It also feels like it foreshadows something within the story. I also just like the structure of it, with the 'deep' love contrasting the 'shallow' fate.

The one-liner summary of your work is fine. It tells us what the main character is, what happens to the main character, and what the reader should expect from this work (wuxia/xianxia with a romance subgenre).

As for the extended blurb, I think it's good! It tells us the protagonist (Nian Zhen) and who he is in this world (a mortal prince). We also get a grasp of what we should expect from this character and their story. He's a prince who has not had a significant bond until she got adopted by this woman who saved him from his banishment. He's someone who wants to throw away his old life and wants a second chance.

There is the question though of why does he want a second chance? And also, what was his life before? I feel like expanding a bit on those details can help emphasize the theme of second chances and new beginnings which I can pick up from this blurb. Just from the first paragraph, I'm coming into this story expecting a sort of "healing" journey. A journey where one makes up for the mistakes of the past and tries to start a new life, finding new bonds, and being happy after being unhappy for so long.

The second paragraph is also good because it introduces the conflict-his new life is disrupted by something and he has to overcome it. The second paragraph hints at a love interest, but it's a bit confusing to me? Because... I don't know if the dreams here are literal dreams, or metaphorical? By that, I'm not sure if she's someone from his past haunting him, or is she literally walking in his dreams? Because this is a fantasy, and I don't know yet if your world has powers like that. The line after that is fine though. It hints at a hidden power and gives a character conflict: will he succumb to greed or best it?