Royal Obligations

Chapter 32: To Kill or Be Killed

Forrest takes a seat on one of the cots provided in the safety room. I assume I am supposed to follow him, so I take a seat beside him.

"Ever since I was little I never trusted anyone. I always thought every person I met was out to get me, and that most of the things they would say to me was an insult." Forrest begins. "I don't think there has ever been a time where I have fully trusted another person."

"How about your family?" I ask.

Forrest shakes his head and looks down at his hands. "No. Not even my family. The only person I think I have come close to trusting was my grandmother."

I frown and look over at him. "Do you feel the same way now?"

I felt like I was holding my breath for an answer. I shouldn't care if he trusts me or not, and it would make sense if he didn't. I'm not the most trustworthy person.

Forrest clenches his fists. "Not lately, but that's only because I started taking my medication again."

I don't say anything because there is nothing to say. This is his story to tell, it's not meant for me to offer unnecessary commentary.

"Then I started to have these horrible dreams..." Forrest trails off. "I was either being brutally murdered by my mother, father, or brother. Or, sometimes, I was the one hacking apart my family." Forrest runs a hand through his hair, something I know he does when he's nervous. "My mother thought they were normal nightmares for a young child, but they happened every single night. And the one night I told her, her and my grandmother decided to take me to a specialist." Forrest sighs. "I was diagnosed with something but at the time my mother never told me. All I know is that I had to go see a psychologist once a week. It was hard for me to understand why because no one bothered to tell me what I was even sick with."

"Forrest..." I trail off, the feeling of concern almost overwhelming me. It's just been a while since I've felt concern for another person, so I guess it's overwhelming...

"I still had those horrible nightmares so I stopped sleeping all together. The dreams began muddling reality and it was hard to tell what was real and what was just part of another brutal dream." Forrest continues to look at the ground, not able to make eye contact with me. "I was playing in the garden with Harlan one afternoon, and we found a bird's nest. Baby birds rested there and I thought I was just in another dream. I thought that I had to kill something or I would be killed. I didn't want to kill my brother so my only option was to kill those birds.." His voice catches. "I didn't want to, but I had no other choice.

"That's when I was put on medication." He continues. "But the medicine just made me feel in a bad mood all the time, and I never wanted to hang out with people. All I ended up feeling was loneliness. I was miserable, so I lied to my parents and said I tried sleeping without the medicine and I didn't have the dreams anymore so they would take me off the medication. That's when I stopped sleeping again." He pauses, staring at the far wall. His eyes shown with complete concentration.

"Forrest, you don't have to-"

"Yes. I do." He sighs. "Of course I had to sleep sometimes, so I just dealt with the dreams. That's what I have been doing for the past couple of years... And I've managed because the only people I really hung out with were my brother and Romeo. But all these girls just invaded my home and there was no telling what I would do."

Finally, after avoiding talking to me eye to eye, he turns his head. The pain behind them was obvious, and I don't know why it affected me so much.

"Then I met you and after reading your journal I thought we shared the same difficulties. But I told you before how I dug into your life, and the reason you are isn't because something biologically is wrong with you. Which meant that you could be saved and I couldn't."