Comprehension

a poem for faiz

When you were younger,but only a foetus ,your mother would hog all of my goodies ,much to my disdain ,and even so in my mild irritation i loved you just the same. I remember the night my father ,and i had left , the way i gazed at you ,as if to imprint your tiny face inside my head.You are older now ,almost nine,and there are times i catch myself staring at you ,not because you've done anything of appraisal, but because everything you do amazes me , simply because it is you,and i've come to the conclusion that everything you do,even in your fault ,is nothing short of magic, simply because i get to stay ,and watch you grow to do these things. Making breakfast, telling riddles ,it is the simplest of things that make my heart burst with tenderness for you. There are days when i will be angry ,if not a storm ,and i will be harsh,but you must know ,i want you to understand that it is never truly you,but always me and what remnants of my past i cannot escape ,on these days i hope you afford me forgiveness. You will not understand this until you are much older,as i can already foretell life will make the wisest of gentleman out of you. When you reach that stage ,the one we all do ,when we step out of our childhood ideals (perhaps even fantasies) ,and view our elders as people,human beings just the same in making faults as we do, i want you to know that you are loved in all of the ways each generation before you is capable of giving love, you will understand what that means one day, of that i am sure. There is not a prayer that slips from my lips which you are excluded from ,not a moment in my future hopes ,and dreams you do not feature in ,and i want you to know that in all your imperfection ,i prayed for you way before you ever came ,a younger sibling ,the heavens granted me a wish i so long ago yearned for. So one day when you question why it is i love you so ,i want you to understand that no matter who you become, or what you may do, my affection remains permanent,not because of anything you could ever say or do,but simply because you exist,that will always be more than enough of a reason for me.

-Liyah Smith