Chapter 19

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"I've been running from my demons, afraid to look behind"
-Dean Lewis


I jolt up from my sleep with a scream. I'm sweating profusely while gasping for air. My hands are trembling and I am not able to level my breathing. I run a shaking hand through my slightly damp hair and close my eyes in an attempt to relax. I start  humming a song under my breath, a tactic that helps me calm down, taking my focus away from that horrible dream.

It might be two weeks since the incident with the Russians but I'm still not over it. Eversince the night we arrived here, I've always had the same nightmare.

I'm inside the torture chamber again. It's dark, really dark and I'm all alone. Not even Volkov is here. I look around at the tables and fing a gun. I quickly grab it and shoot the lock of the door but it doesn't open. I try again and again but it doesn't work. I let out a breath of frustration and look around the room, searching for a way out. I find a window and I'm about to climb out of it when suddenly I hear whimpers from behind me. I turn around abruptly and I'm left terrified from the sight that greets me. There, on the floor, lay all my brothers, gunshot wounds adorning their bloodied bodies. They don't look at me, they instead stare at my hand with betrayal and hurt swimming in their eyes. I look down and see the gun that I previously shot the door with. I gasp. I look back at them and tears start streaming down my face. Did I do that to them?

"Why?" Noah whispers.

"I..." I run to them and put pressure on their wounds trying to prevent more blood from coming out.

"Why?" This time they say it all together.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't-I'm so sorry" I'm a sobbing mess by now.

They start closing their eyes, Noah going limp in my hands.

"No no no no please don't, please, no" I try to move them but they are unresponsive.

I'm starting to freak out. I shout and scream at them to wake up, to open their eyes but I get no response back.

"Are you happy? Look what you did..."
I turn around at the familiar voice. It's John, the man that tormented me back at the orphanage.

I stand up and stare at him. How can he be here? I thought he died in the fire.

"They would still be here if it weren't for you, you know." Volkov appears behind him and gestures for me to turn around.

I turn around reluctantly and this time it's not my brothers laying on the floor. It's my parents.

The tears blur my vision. My legs feel weak, my hands trembling. I fall on my knees with a loud thud.

"No..."

"Look what you did"

"No, please no"

"It's your fault"

"No, stop!"

"They would still be here if it weren't for your pathetic self"

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