Chains Eyelessjack X Reader

Chapter 35

{Reader's POV}

       When I next awoke, I was alone again. Like before, it took a while for me to wake up and my mind to start working properly, but this time Jack didn't come in. Gradually I became aware that there was something around my wrists and ankles, and eventually I realized I was restrained. This time I wasn't bound with shackles and chains, but instead leather straps with buckles, tethering me to the cold slate table. They weren't too tight, though, allowing me to sit and pull my knees to my chest. As I did so, I noticed my hands were dressed in mittens with duct tape securing them to my wrists, rendering them effectively useless.

       At that moment, as I sat there in that cold unfamiliar room hugging my knees, I felt absolutely helpless.  I had angered Jack, and this was my punishment. My mind was still a little groggy, but I knew how vulnerable I was. The next time he came in, he could kill me and I would be unable to do anything about it. I didn't even know why he was keeping me alive anymore, other than as a food source.

       Part of me wanted to cry, another part wanted to scream with frustration, but overall I just felt... numb. As numb as my side, which still had no feeling. I lifted my shirt slightly, an annoyingly difficult task thanks to the thick mittens, and saw I was still wrapped in gauze. However, unlike last time, there were no splotches of blood. Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said about the concrete walls.

       As I stared at the bandages, memories of the first time I met Jack came back. I remembered waking up and lifting my shirt to see equally bloody bandages wrapping my side, only back then I was in my own, comfy bed and my familiar bedroom. Now I was in an unfamiliar windowless room with blood-splattered concrete walls and floors, lit only by a bare lightbulb from the ceiling, and tethered to a cold, metal slab. The sharp contrast between the two brought tears to my eyes, my breathing becoming shaky.

       I miss home... It was as simple as that. So much time has passed since the last time I thought of my house, and my bedroom. I miss the framed photos I had on the walls. I miss the nameplate on my door with my name in curly [f/c] letters. I miss my [pattern] comforter and the pillow I'd spent so much time picking out. I miss the pink tulip lamp sitting on my dresser since childhood, never lit or plugged in. I miss sitting on the porch in late summer evenings with a good book and listening to the birdsong and crickets outside.

       I miss being able to think of Buddy and not feel a pang of sharp pain in my heart.

       Before I knew it tears were rolling down my cheeks as I sobbed, overcome by homesickness. I've heard of homesickness, but up until this moment I never realized how real it was, how strong the pain was. I've heard people say "home is where the heart is", but right now I think that's bullshit. Right now my heart doesn't belong anywhere, it has no "home", it's just lost and confused—just like me.

       The tears didn't stop for a long time. I just sobbed and hiccuped and cried for everything I've lost, mourned what my life's become. Every day spent living in fear, waiting for Jack to just decide I'm not worth it and eat me... He's already removed something, I know it. I can feel this emptiness in me, and I know it's not just my imagination. He's taken everything from me, and now he's going to eat me. The thought made me feel so helpless, so awful, I felt like I could cry forever.

       Eventually, though, the tears stopped. I seemed to run out of them, nothing would come anymore. And with them gone, I felt... hollow. Empty inside. I just sat there, unable to move or think. I think... I think I wanted to give up. Surrender. Let myself die. I remembered how in stories people would bite off their tongue to kill themselves, but I remember also hearing that it's not actually fatal. Jack was in med school, he'd be able to treat me so I wouldn't die. He'd keep me alive as long as he wanted.