Decisions ~ BokuAka

22. Enough

Akaashi leaned into Bokuto again, sighing softly. "Kotarou?"

"Yes?"

"Do you not wish sometimes that you could have a different life?"

"Every day." Bokuto looked down where Akaashi was curled up on his chest. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't really know. I just..." Akaashi laughed quietly. "My mind is so odd."

Bokuto rubbed his back. "You seem tired."

Akaashi nodded. He sighed and sat up. He put his arms around Bokuto's neck and pressed their foreheads together. "I'm so nervous I can't sleep though."

Bokuto kissed him. "Yeah? What would you like to do then?"

"We can just keep cuddling." Akaashi kissed Bokuto.

"Is that all you had in mind?" Bokuto questioned. He was careful with his movements, not wanting to get Akaashi upset.

"Oh..."

Bokuto heard the heaviness and smiled sadly. "We don't need to do anything you don't want. We can just lay here Keiji. No need to worry."

"I want to please you. I do. I just can't." Akaashi touched his chest, eyes lingering on Bokuto's. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't worry Keiji. You don't have to do anything. You're doing just fine. You being here pleases me."

Akaashi felt his mind start to spiral a bit. "But what if we end up getting married some day? Then what? What if I can't please you when we're married? I'd be a failure of a husband."

"Okay Woah first of all sex isn't necessary during marriage that's bullshit. Second, we have sex when both of us want it. Not just me. Not just you." Bokuto sat up all the way. "Let's go take a walk."

Akaashi clung to Bokuto's arm, staring. "What if he's back in the castle?"

"Is that what's been on your mind today?"

Akaashi nodded silently. Bokuto lifted him up and set him on his bed. He got the basket of balms and lotions from under Akaashi's bed.

"Pick one."

"Why?"

"Just pick one Keiji. Please."

Akaashi looked over the basket before picking one up. He smiled. "This one smells like roses."

"Yeah? You like roses?" Akaashi nodded. Bokuto put the basket down and set the jar aside. "Shirt please."

Akaashi took off his shirt. He tapped Bokuto's hand. "Is this that massage?"

"Of course honey. Is that okay?"

Akaashi nodded. "I have a candle. Can you light it please?"

Bokuto lit the candle and went to wash his hands, knowing he was too dirty. He always felt so dirty and the white he had to wear the next day would only remind him further. He was nothing but a blacksmith.

Bokuto returned to Akaashi tracing scars on his body and smiled.

"Something wrong?"

"No, no. I'm just thinking."

"About the scars?"

"They're from sparing. I was stupid and kept getting hurt. I'm a great swordsman now though." He smiled. "I love swords."

"Good thing I am almost done with yours."

Akaashi giggled softly. Bokuto laid him down and scooped some lotion from the container. He rubbed it into Akaashi's back, adding all the pressure he wanted. Akaashi stared at Bokuto nearly the whole time, just watching.