To What I Owe You

Chapter 15- Never Again

Chapter 15- Never Again

"What if everything I'm saying doesn't even matter in the long run? What if it never changes how people view me?"

"You're right, but what if it does?"

————
Kadeejah

Deuce trailed a dry finger across my scar from where I had gotten shot at, staring at it like he was fixated on it while I stared down at him taking in all his features, as usual. To this day the way the man looks brings me to my knees, I just never seen anyone so handsome before. The thing with Deuce is he knows he's handsome too, it's no denying it and he doesn't try to.

I've been sitting up right straddling him for the past five minutes and he's been rubbing my scar back and forth with his thumb like he wanted to just erase it off of me if he could. Sometimes when I remember it's there I want to too, I want to erase the whole day.

"What did it feel like?" He randomly asked.

I scrunched my eyebrows, confused at the question. "Huh?"

"Being shot," he pointed. "Was it the worst pain you ever felt or did you not notice like how they act in the movies and shit."

"I guess I didn't really notice at first," I admitted as I looked over at my arm myself, pulling my skin a bit so I could see it better. "But hell, nigga wouldn't you know?"

"Naw," he sighed before finally looking up at me. "I ain't never been shot."

"Really?" I questioned, truthfully shocked by the revelation.

He nodded without a verbal response and I still held a look of shock. I guess I just assumed with the type of stuff he seems to be into around this area. In the same breath I guess it's just stereotyping him.

"Never been on the opposite side yet," he stated solemnly.

"Why would you say 'yet' like you waiting for it to happen or somethin'?"

He looked at my intently as my face was scrunched up in a frown. I mean who say shit like that? He talking like he just know it's gonna happen, and I don't like to think about Deuce not being here. Regardless of the little time we've spent with each other doesn't make me feel no less about his life.

That's why I always hated niggas back home to a certain extent. It was like they always moved with a certain recklessness like they didn't even stop and think about all the people it could affect if they not here no more. I see parts of Deuce being the same like the rest of them niggas, especially with him being reckless.

"I mean we all gotta die some day and it's just a matter of time," he explained.

I rolled my eyes and rolled from on top of him getting annoyed. It's such a corny ass way of thinking. No shit we all gone die but acting like you're not scared to is such a tired troupe for these niggas.

I turned with my back facing Deuce in the bed and grabbed my phone off the nightstand checking the message I had gotten from Renée. We've been texting all morning about her birthday and whether I think I'd be able to come back in town for it. I wasn't really in no rush to head back to Chicago like I thought I would be so I haven't given her a solid answer.

"You hangin' with me today?" Deuce questioned from over my shoulder.

I locked my phone and turned around before sitting upright in the bed. When I looked down at him he was typing away on his phone like he always does. It made me raise my suspicions to who he was texting. Was it the girl from last night? Once my mind thought back to last night and all the nut shit that was going on, on the porch I thought of the best way to ask my questions without giving away that I was ease dropping.