Because You Love Me

20. Potions

A small group of students were just coming out of the Potions classroom when Alaina made it down to the Dungeons. Severus was seated at his desk when she went in, heavily immersed in a pile of parchment in front of him. She silently wondered what he could be grading already. After all, it was just the first day. She stood in the doorway for a little bit, watching him work. Finally, she knocked lightly on the door.

Severus looked up and his eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't expected to see Alaina there. "Hey," he said. "What brings you all the way down here?"

Alaina smiled. "You do. And I wanted to ask you about a couple of ingredients for a potion I want to brew later. May I come in?"

He motioned for her to come in. "Shut the door, too. I don't want anyone to hear anything we might not want them to."

She stepped inside and closed the door as he had told her to. "There. Is that better?"

He smiled. "Much." He put down his quill. "Now what sort of ingredients are you needing?"

She looked around the room, her eyes roaming aimlessly. He stared at her. She hadn't even heard him. When she looked back in his direction he could have sworn there was sadness in her eyes.

Severus sighed. "I can see you're still in the same mood you were in last night. The Sorting Hat's decision is still bothering you."

"I heard the way James and Sirius used to talk about people from that house. There were very few witches and wizards who turned out to be good people. You're the only one I know," Alaina pointed out. "And almost all of them, even you, were Death Eaters."

"You're right," he admitted with another sigh. What could he say? The statistics were there. Him and all of his friends in Slytherin had become part of the Dark Lord's army. It wasn't a lie.

"But it's not that, Severus. I would have loved to be in the same house as you."

He smiled for a second. "I'm glad. But if it's not that bothering you, is it your secret?"

"Yes," she confessed. "I want to tell you."

He looked up at her thoughtfully. "Then what's stopping you?"

She thought for a moment. "Fear," she answered, her eyes locking with his. "I'm afraid of what you might think of me."

Severus shook his head. "We've already been through this. That's ridiculous."

"Excuse me?"

"I could never think less of you." He pressed his lips together firmly and leaned on his desk. Suddenly his hands slammed down on top of it. She jumped, startled. He didn't know why it had angered him, but it had. How could he make her see? "Alaina, I was a DEATH EATER for crying out loud! I stood by while the Dark Lord KILLED people and I did nothing to stop him. I as good as killed them myself. If anyone in this room is EVIL, it's me."

Alaina stared at him. She'd never seen him get upset like this before. Come to think of it, she didn't remember him ever being angry at her at all.

"You aren't evil, Severus. I've seen your heart."

"And I've seen yours," he said calmly. "That's exactly my point. You think I'm not, but I struggle with the same thoughts as you do. I think I am evil. Some days more than others. But you're not evil, Alaina. You've never done anything bad to anyone as long as I've known you and I'm willing to bet you didn't before either."

Tears welled in her eyes. She ran over to him impulsively and embraced him tight. His eyes widened at first. It was another unexpected gesture of affection. Severus slipped his arms around her, fighting back tears of his own. He had never admitted that to anyone, the fact he had never thought highly of himself, that he was a bad person. Alaina just had no idea how good she really was compared to him.