I'm not sorry

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Penelope sat there on the bathroom floor for most of the night, replaying the night over and over again in her head. Everything had gone downhill so quickly that it didn't even feel real. She couldn't sit here forever. She had to do something, to talk to someone who wasn't Charles or someone in his life. She couldn't let herself get trapped in this echo chamber, manipulated into giving him another chance because people close to him wanted them to stay together. 

The phone rang a few times before he picked up. She wasn't sure he'd answer, but she was thankful that he did. 

"Hello?" Jasper said, sounding confused. "Penelope, that you?"

"Oh hey," she said, wiping her eyes as she tried to hide the hoarseness in her voice. "Are you busy? I wasn't sure you'd answer I know your mom was in town this weekend."

"Of course I would. You at home? It's like seven here, it must be really early for you. Are you okay?"

"Oh, we went out. Got back late."

"Right. Everything okay, though?"

"I saw Clare, Kelly-Anne and Sylvie tonight. It was weird, actually. I don't think they like me very much."

 "You saw them at the club?"

"Yeah. They were in town for the grand prix."

"I saw that didn't go so well. I'm really sorry for Charles, Nell, that must've hurt."

Penelope didn't say anything, her words failing her. Jasper sighed on the other end of the phone, wishing they weren't thousands of miles apart. 

"Penelope," Jasper said gently, "what's the matter?"

Another tear slid down her cheek as she leaned back against the wall, her eyes red and puffy. Jasper knew her too well. Plus, wasn't this the reason she'd called him? Perhaps not consciously, but some part of her needed to talk this through. She couldn't cope with what she was feeling on her own, and it's not like she could talk to Charles. She'd put herself in the hospital just days earlier by suppressing what she was feeling. She couldn't do that again.

"Just a bad day," she said in a small voice, her fingers grazing against the necklace that Charles had given her all that time ago. She still wore it everyday, but now it felt more like a noose than a blessing.

"Because of the race?"

Penelope shrugged. "I guess. I had an argument with Charles when we left that party. It was bad, Jasper. The worst one we've ever had."

"What?" Jasper said, sounding confused. "But you guys don't fight. What was it about?"

"Remember his friend Pierre?"

"The guy he's been racing with since he was little?"

"Yeah. They had a fight, Jas, like an actual fist-throwing fight outside the club. I was talking to Clare and the girls, then the next minute I walk outside and they're screaming at each other. Some of the other drivers were there, pulled them apart before it could get any worse."

"Oh my god, Penelope."

"I know."

"Why were they fighting?"

"That's the worst part. He wouldn't even tell me. I can't shake this feeling that something's going on behind my back. I can't be in another relationship where I can't trust my boyfriend, Jas, I can't do that again."

"Hey," Jasper soothed. She wished he was here. "Where are you now? Are you safe?"

"I'm fine. I'm crying on the bathroom floor, actually."

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