Once Upon A Time - Short Story Collection

An idiom for it's title?

Meera's dad, Mr. Kumar was an English professor. He used lot of Idioms just to confuse his listeners and have fun. He fussed that no body used idioms these days. Meera's friend Santosh was a simple boy and took a conversation in literal terms.

One day Meera invited Santosh for lunch with her father, at her house.

"Dad! Here's Santosh, you wanted to meet all along."

"Hello Santosh. How do you do? It has been raining cats and dogs. How did you make it here?"

Santosh was bewildered, "Hi Sir, I'm good. Well, I did not see any cats and dogs fall from the sky; it could be because I came by my brother's car."

Her dad smiled slyly and said, "I think Meera lunch will be more fun than a barrel of monkeys". Meera was irritated with her dad in making Santosh a scapegoat but she decided to keep silent and enjoy the show.

Mr. Kumar lead the unsuspecting Santosh to lunch. All sat down to have their meal and Meera proceeded to serve them.

"I've heard from the grapevine that you have your nose to the grindstone to get that internship?" Santosh deciphered Mr. Kumar wanted to know about his internship, though he was clueless as to what he really meant.

He refrained from asking it and proceeded on to describe his internship; how he planned to secure it and finally said "This internship is very important to me, I have high hopes on securing a job from the same company".

"Don't work so hard dear fellow. I know a friend who burned the candle from both sides and finally popped the cork. All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy."

"I'm not sure who Jack is, but I assure you I enjoy some time off now and then." concluded Santosh with a smug smile to have finally understood what Mr. Kumar said.

"Meera I think Santosh is making you roll in the aisles", guessed Mr. Kumar. Meera excused herself to refill the bowls and went to the kitchen to laugh heartily.

Mr. Kumar felt this was more fun than he bargained for. "How do you get the best of both world's Santosh? And keep your eyes on the ball?" Meera tried to save her friend but he answered before she could.

"Oh well I go for cricket practice every day so it is not that difficult for me to keep my eyes on the ball. Meera I did not know, you told your dad about my cricket. I love this sport." Meera just smiled. She pitied Santosh for he completely missed his wickets in spite of daily practice.

Mr. Kumar noticed her expression of pity and said "You know Meera I knew a man who was dumber than this stump and swallowed hook and liner when I fed him with a line."

"Dad can I have a word with you? Santosh excuse us for a minute."

Meera dragged her dad off to the next room to reprimand him "Dad you are being down right mean to the poor fellow."

"Come on Meera I did not have so much fun in days you know and he is perfect for this role"

"Dad please don't do this."

Mr. Kumar made no further comment and left the room for her to follow in his wake.

"Now don't let the cat out of the bag Meera" warned Mr. Kumar before settling down to continue his meal.

"Mr. Kumar it is not such a good idea to have a cat in a bag for whatever reason, it might suffocate and eventually die", remarked Santosh guilelessly. Meera choked on her water.

She recovered in time and said "I think Dad I'm going to blow the whistle on you if you don't stop rocking the boat." Santosh looked puzzled at Meera as they finished their meal. Meera smiled brightly. Mr. Kumar ignored her.

"Mr. Kumar, can you tell me about your work?" asked Santosh. "What do you want to know young man?" "Well how many years have you been working now? How are your students?"

"So you seem to be an inquisitive fellow. I've been a professor for 27 years now and in this dog-eat-dog world I have seen all kinds of students. I will give you straight from the horse's mouth on the kind of students I teach.

A couple of years ago, we were discussing about Hobbies and Pets in class. I encouraged the students to get pets and tend to them, as hobbies. One fellow got an alligator as pet and thought it was cat's meow.

It was only a foot long, so he kept it squirreled away in his dorm. When others joined him, he would monkey around with it and they would hoof it out of there. He'd just laugh as his pet was all bark and no bite. Within months his pet grew in size and was now six foot long.

Now that's a horse of different color. He realized his goose would be cooked if college authorities found out. It was time to take the bull by its horn.

Late one night he and his friends wrapped his pet and set him free at the college campus lake. Next day the alligator was found and it played cat and mouse game with the authorities and cops. That's where I came in and found out whose mischief it was.

The fellow has to eat his crow. He was barking up the wrong tree with me. Finally he confessed and was suspended for few months for his actions" summed up Mr.Kumar.

Santosh's jaw dropped at the end of story.

He just said "Mr.Kumar that's a cock and bulls story" and took leave of them.

Meera was found laughing her guts out at Mr.Kumar's expense.

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