drowning

3

I agreed.

We set the time for noon.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, so I showered, braiding my hair and getting into sweatpants and a t shirt, not caring about my appearance.

I went downstairs, seeing Jacob awake- on his phone.

"We are famous on Facebook." I heard him say.

I walked to him, turning my attention to his phone, which had an article on our family.

I didn't want to read it.

"I have to go to the funeral home at noon, you don't have to come if you-" "I want to."

I fixed him breakfast, myself not having an appetite so I just drank some coffee.

Soon I was driving us there, Harry Styles playing quietly in the background of the car.

We went inside, immediately being helped by an older lady.

She assisted us in picking three caskets, one dramatically smaller than the other two.

We picked flowers, headstones, grave plots, obituary covers- things I never expected to have to be doing.

Soon it came down to paying.

The check had already been deposited into my account, I wasn't worried about this, or any other bill I'd have to pay for at least the next year.

"We're only charging you for one." She spoke suddenly, catching both Jacob and I's attention.

"What?" I asked her.

"What happened to you both, isn't fair." She spoke slowly.

"So- we are only charging you for the materials and services we are providing for your father- your mother and sisters will be free. We are so sorry." She spoke calmly.

I swallowed the lump again.

"Thank you." I whispered to her.

We set the dates.
Day after tomorrow- her saying it was best to do it sooner.

We got back into the car, looking to each other.

"What do you want to do?" I asked Jacob slowly.

He shrugged lightly.

I ran over a few ideas in my head.

I knew it wasn't good for us to just sit at home and think.

"How about the mall?" I asked, seeing him slowly nod.

"Yeah." He agreed.

We walked around the mall together, us having small talk.

I had never struggled to make conversation with my brother before, but now I was.

We got smoothies, sitting and talking at a table as we drank them.

"So when are you making me go back to school?" He asked me slowly.

I exhaled.

"I'm not going to make you" I spoke slowly.

"When you are ready- you can go." I told him.

I wasn't going to make him do something he wasn't ready to do, I don't care if anyone said otherwise.

"Thank you." He told me slowly.

About an hour later we went back home, sitting back in the same living room we were just watching movies with our whole family in two days ago.

"What do you want to do?" Jacob asked me, making me exhale.

"Movie?" I asked him

"I guess"