drowning

4

two days later

"You look good" I mumbled to him as I tied his tie, seeing him glance to himself in the mirror.

"Thank you" he spoke back to me.

"You look pretty as well," he told me, making me smile,

"Thanks bubba" i exhaled to him.

I was soon driving both of us to the funeral home, hearing him singing quietly along to the music.

"So we have our appointment with the doctor tomorrow" I brought up, hearing him hum.

"Great."

Soon we were entering the funeral home, an hour earlier than what everyone else was told.

"So we have them ready, if we need to change anything, please just let us know." I lady who gently held both Jacob and I as she led us towards the very visible caskets.

First was mom.

She was so beautiful.

Jacob was instantly crying.

"Momma" his voice cried out, making me close my eyes, the words hurting my heart.

I held him as we moved to dad.

He was peaceful.
I could tell.

Jacob cried harder.

"I can't look at her." Jacob cried as the lady tried to move us to Eve.

"You don't have to." I told him.

He stayed at dad.

"Oh baby girl." I whispered as I saw her.

So peaceful, like she was sleeping.

"Oh my god- im so sorry baby girl." I wished she could hear me.

The lady rubbed my back gently as I fought my tears.

She was four.

She didn't deserve death.

None of these people did.

I led Jacob away from all of them, sitting in the lobby.

"How'd she look?" He asked me as he wiped his tears, exhaling firmly.

I nodded slowly.

"Peaceful." I whispered.

Soon people were showing up

We were given so many sympathy hugs
Handed so much money, with no explanation
Told to stay strong by people we didn't even know

Hours later, they were putting them into the ground.

Jacob was surprisingly okay.

I still held him, just in case, but he didn't seem to mind.

Soon people were giving us goodbye hugs, some praying over us, some just leaving without saying anything.

"Can we get McDonald's?" I heard Jacob suddenly say, making me immediately laugh.

"Of course."

We got McDonald's before heading home, watching movies and eating.

And soon we were ready for bed, telling each other goodnight before separating.

I stared to the ceiling as I laid in bed.

Sleeping was much harder than it used to be.

I'd adjust.

I woke up from my nightmare, tears falling down my face from it.

I wiped them immediately, getting up.

I went into Jacobs room, making sure he was okay and breathing.

He was okay.

I went downstairs, watching movies instead of sleeping.

It's better than the nightmares.

I woke Jacob up around nine, knowing we had to be at the hospital for ten.

He complained, but got up.

I drove us there, not much conversation.

As we waited in the lobby he spoke

"You didn't sleep?" He asked slowly.

"A few hours" I mumbled, seeing him sigh

"Why haven't you been able to sleep?" He asked.

"I don't know" I lied.

"Okay then why aren't you eating much either?" He then asked.

"I have been eating" I told him.

"Yeah- but not half as much as you used to." He spoke, never losing eye contact.

"Just don't have much of an appetite." I told him, seeing him hum.

Before he could respond, the familiar doctor walked through the door, immediately making eye contact with us.

"Hey guys." He smiled, making us both stand in unison.

"Follow me." He then spoke.

We walked into what I assumed was his office, seeing "doctor irwin" on the door, that seemed familiar enough for me to assume it was his name.

"So" irwin exhaled as we all picked chairs, sitting in them.

"How are you guys feeling?" He asked, making us glance to each other.

"Fine" I spoke, hearing Jacob laugh out lightly.

"Jacob, do you have something to say?" Irwin asked slowly.

"She feels fine but yet she isn't sleeping or eating and hasn't even shed a tear yet-" "Jacob." I spoke immediately, confused as to why he was seeming angry.

"What Ava? You want to make me go to therapy, we are going to go to therapy and talk about everything, not just me." He spoke firmly.

"I never said-" "okay guys" Irwin stopped our bickering.

Over the next hour, Irwin and Jacob did the most talking.

"I just want things to go back to normal." Jacobs voice cracked.

"I understand that," Irwin nodded.

"And sometimes things will feel normal- grief comes in waves and everyone expresses their feelings differently. Some days you will feel on top of the world- other will be miserable." Irwin explained slowly.

I had zoned out for half of the meeting, I couldn't tell you what was said.

"So what I'm going to recommend is that you guys come in every other day for the next few weeks. I'll get you a doctors excuse from school, Ava if you need any sort of excuse- I'll do that as well. I also want to prescribe you both antidepressants. These will help you guys take the edge off, just until you're able to actually process all of these emotions." He explained slowly.

"Sounds good" Jacob exhaled, making Irwin and I make eye contact.

"I also want to propose independent counseling sessions. This of course will take longer because you'll each get an hour talking to me, but one of you can wait in my friends office while the other has the meeting, i feel like it would be easier to get down to each of your emotions and then, we can go back to the group counseling if that's something you are both willing to do." He spoke

"Oh I don't think-" "I'd like that." Jacob interrupted me.

Anything he wanted.