drowning

5

From this point on, we went every other day, just like Irwin said.

And he was right about the grief, it came and went, we'd have moments where life seemed normal. We'd be laughing, acting like stupid kids, having a great time and then out of no where, we'd have days where we didn't even want to get out of bed.

The nightmares had not subsided for me.

The days were always hard to push through, but I did it for Jacob.

Currently, I was sitting in Irwin's friends office, waiting on him and Jacob to finish their meeting, knowing mine was next.

I did my online homework as this hour passed, Irwin's friend doing paperwork quietly.

"You tired?" His friend asked as I rubbed my eyes, feeling a migraine making its way.

"Yeah, haven't been sleeping well." I mumbled, seeing him nod slowly.

"Need to talk?" He asked me, making me smile lightly.

"I'm okay" I lied.

Before he could respond, the door opened- revealing Irwin and a puffy eyed Jacob.

Jacob hugged me as I stood, immediately making me hug him back tightly.

"You okay?" I asked, kissing his cheek as I did.

"Yeah." He spoke quietly.

Irwin brought me in his office, exhaling lightly.

"How's Jacob?" I asked him slowly.

Irwin nodded slowly.

"Struggling, but making it. He's getting much better at voicing how he feels." He told me slowly, making me nod in agreement.

"But how are you?" He then asked me, making me nod.

"The same as everytime" I told him.

"Sleeping any better?" He asked.

"Not really." I didn't lie to him.

"What about your appetite, has that picked up?" He asked.

I shrugged lightly.

"I think a little."

He nodded to my answered.

"Have you been working on the grieving exercises we talked about?" He asked me.

"I don't grieve." I told him firmly, which has always been my response to this conversation.

"But you need to grieve in order to get -" "I'm over it." I lied to him, immediately seeing him stare to me.

"It was a tragedy- a drunk driver killed my mom, dad and little sister and now I'm nineteen, stuck raising my fifteen year old brother, but I can't spend the rest of my life grieving, i have to be here for him- I have to help him carry his grief." I told him.

Him and I went back and forth on this topic, neither of us agreeing with the tactics we were presenting to each other, and soon- I was just ignoring him basically, making him sigh.

"Did Jacob talk to you about school?" I asked, seeing him shake his head.

"No, but he did bring up wanting Michael and I to hang out with him outside of work, why? Is he wanting to go to school?" He spoke quickly.

"Who is Michael?" I asked quickly, making him laugh.

"The man you've met three times, you sit in his office for an hour everytime you're here." He laughed lightly, making me catch on quickly.

"I never caught his name." I mumbled, seeing him nod.

"I don't think it'd be a bad idea" Irwin hummed

"What? School?" I asked

"No- us all hanging out, outside of here" I hummed lightly, not knowing where he was heading with this.

He looked to his paperwork, before looking to me.

"He told me not to bring it up." Irwin spoke, making me immediately exhale, looking to him, knowing what he was about to say.

"But happy birthday, Ava."

The lump came back instantly

"There's nothing happy about this day."