Shades of Chase (English Version)

Chapter 28

My head was heavy the moment I unlocked my eyes. Even my eyelids ached from crying hard earlier. I wouldn't have realized I have fallen asleep if I hadn't heard the loud creak of the door.

I woke up immediately when I saw Chase leaning against the door while staring at me innocently. My eyes automatically went down his body. He's wearing a fitted sweat pants, a blue shirt where there's Superman's iconic logo in the middle... and a blue bow tie wrapped around his neck.

He smiled at me.

"Hi, Aunt Tanya!" He waved his hand.

I didn't wave back nor said any words. I just kept on staring at him.

"I'm surprise to see you here. Do you happen to know those girls in the other room? I swear Mom will be furious if she saw them."

He walked towards my direction and sat on the bed beside me. He's looking at me intently like I am to him. My breathing hitched, realizing what's happening. . .and who he is.

"Why are your eyes so puffy? Did you cry? By the way, remember my favorite candy I was telling you the last time we saw each other? Dad bought me a lot! Do you want to have a taste of it?"

He was very cheerful... like a happy kid he was.

"R-Richard..." I called out and tried to smile even though it's hard for me.

I haven't moved on from what I saw between Allistair and those girls he was with. And now, Richard is here in front of me. He's staring at me, innocent and fair. It's as if he's free from the world's cruelty when in fact, he's a victim.

My chest is still heavy because of what happened earlier and I don't think I can forget that easily. I fell that the scene where I caught Allistair and those women will leave a mark in me.

I have to accept him, right? Because I chose to stay with him. Because I chose to accept him, flaws and all. But right now,I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure anymore if I would be able to honor what I promised him. I honestly can't think rationale right now. I want to burst and let everything out. I want to leave. I want to turn my back on him.

"You look really sad right now, Aunt Tanya. What happened? You know you can share stories with me. I love hearing stories." he giggled and that's when I finally lost it.

I bow down as hysterical cry arose from my throat. Tears kept on running from my eyes like a river flowing, and I can't seem to stop. I can almost feel the lump in my throat which made me hard to breathe.

"If I could only tell you, Richard, I would have told you. But I know you won't understand. It's not you who will understand what I'm feeling right now." I answered with a hoarse voice while head still hung low.

My body flinched when I felt his hand on mine as if he's trying to comfort me. The hand that Allistair used to touch those women on their private parts. The hand he used to pull their hair while he's in pleasure. That sinful hand that used to be my comfort zone is now giving me shiver as it holds me.

"I may not be aware of what you're going through right now but I'm always here for you, Aunt Tanya. Know that I'm just staying in the other room. Just knock in my door!" he giggled.

Even with a heavy heart, I still looked up and stared at him. I managed to give him a small smile. Thought I'd be successful in doing that but I failed.

He brought his hand on my back and caressed it gently. I don't know when will I stop crying. I don't know if I would be able to erase that scene on my mind either. I suddenly felt drained with everything that happened.

"Oh! I heard a noise downstairs. My sister must be already here. I'll go down for a while, Aunt Tanya. I'll be back right away." Richard said in astonishment before quickly standing up from sitting next to me.

I watched him walk towards the door. He's too jolly as if seeing his sister excites him. And then I wonder. Is the sister Richard's talking about, the same sister Chase mentioned to me before? The one who got raped and was killed in front of him?

I stayed inside the room for a while. Richard didn't come back anymore. It's already eight in the evening when I looked at my wrist watch. I need to go home. I'm not sure when I will be able to talk to Chase again. For now, I just want to go home and be alone.

I didn't even bother fixing myself and left hurriedly from the guest room. As soon as I closed the door, my eyes darted on Chase's room. His door is slightly opened. Whether I like it or not, I had to pass by his room before I can go down the stairs.

I walked slowly. My heart was throbbing so fast and uncontrollable. I didn't take my eyes off it until I finally stopped in front of the door.

There is a big part of me that wants to know if the women who were with Allistair earlier are still there even though he has changed his personality.

I took a deep breath before slowly stepping inside. I immediately saw the two women lying on the bed. My heart clenched, my breathing became heavy as I watched them lying there naked.

But what caught my attention was the man standing in front of the window. His back was facing me, his hands leaning against the window sill. He's topless. The black curtain beside him was being blown by the evening wind. He got nothing but a black slacks. He's also bare footed. Even in the dark, the muscles on his back were still visible.

He all of a sudden turned his head to my direction. Our eyes met. From being dark and ruthless, they instantly became soft and painful.

I suddenly felt too weak to even move from where I was. We were just both staring into each other as if our mind were communicating silently.

He was the first to look away. His eyes then went to the women on his bed. His jaw clenched, hard and intense I could even see the fine structures of his jaw lines.

He looked back in front of him and breathed out.

Chase...

"Did I ask you to come over here?" he asked, almost like a growl. Thinking that he's angry isn't hard.

I bowed my head down and took a deep breath.

"We're supposed to go to your therapy session today. Y-You didn't come."

Silence lingered in the air. The only sound I can hear was his deep breathing and the clock ticking like a bomb.

"These women, did I fuck them?"

"I-It wasn't you—"

"It was still me, Allison..." he cut me off. "Did you see us? Did your eyes see how undeserving I am for you?"

My head hung low again. The corners of my eyes warmed, my heart seemed to be pounding. My hands played with each other, palms getting cold and almost trembling.

I sobbed, unable to bear it any longer. Beads of tears dripped down my hand one after another, my face already wet by my tears.

"I-I'm trying to understand you Chase. I'm trying so hard..." my voice broke from crying hard. "I wanted to help you. I wanted to stay with you while you get better. I wanted to be by your side when you fight your demons and battles until you're brave enough to conquer them by yourself, alone. But I'm afraidI can't do it anymore."

I sobbed hard, didn't bother to look at him because I'm afraid that if I look at him I'd  be able to see the pain reflecting on his eyes.

Chase is my weakness...his fear and pain. If he's hurt, I'm hurting more for him and I don't like that. I want to be strong for him but at the moment, I admit I'm slowly losing my strength.

"I feel like I'm only forcing myself to be strong for you even if the truth is, I'm really weak..."

I looked up to him. He's now looking at me. Emotions were sailing in his caramel orbs; sadness was on top of them.

"I love you, Chase..." my voice broke again when I said that. "But as of this moment, I'm afraid that I might not be able to fulfill my promise to you."

I immediately turned my back from him, wiped the tears using the back of my hand and left the room. I walked quickly and ambled down the stairs. I was already on the living room when I heard footsteps climbing down the stairs.

Holding the doorknob and was about to twist it when I felt his arms wrapped around my waist. I looked behind me and my heart constrict in pain when I saw him kneeling while hugging me tightly as his head is leaning on my lower back.

Chase's shoulders were trembling. His throat creating painful sobs.

"I know that it's hard to love a fucked up man like me but please don't give up, Allison. I'm begging you." His voice broke into tears.

I then turned around to face him. His position did not change, still remaining tightly hugged.

"Stand up Chase." I said but he didn't even budge at my remark. "I said stand up."

He didn't stand up. He didn't even dare to raise his head and look at me. I placed my hands on his cheek and knelt down in front of him. I touched his chin and raised it to look back at me.

His eyes were flooded by tears. A few grains of sweat and tears were already mixing on his cheeks. I can feel his immense pain and this is what scares me the most.

Whenever I see him this weak, I feel like he's giving me no choice but to be strong for him. I feel like I'm the only one he's got and I have no choice but to fight myself and choose to stay with him. Always.

This is one of the moments where I can say that the heart always wins.

I wiped his tears from the side of his eyes and gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead. Chase looks so powerless, far from the man he really is.

I hugged him back and gently tapped him. I shut my eyes closed as I hear him sobbing at my touch.

"Stay with me, Allison. Please..." he whispered. "You're all I have."