drowning

18

Over the next few days, Ashton made damn sure that he was doing everything he could to try and keep me happy.

He had brought me back to my house, helping me grab almost everything from my room, most of the big stuff being planned to be brought to storage until I got my own apartment. I grabbed a few things from everyone's bedrooms, something to have just incase, because no telling when I'd have the urge to open the storage containers again to go through my dead families items.

I grabbed a bear from Eve's room, a picture of her that she had made in headstart and a small bracelet that my dad had bought her for her fourth birthday.
From Jacobs, I grabbed a hoodie and his notebook that he had always drawn sketches in.
From my parents, I grabbed all of my moms jewelry that had any meaning, a few of my dads shirts and a few picture frames of the whole family.

Everything else, we marked good to be taken to storage.

We stored all of my stuff in the guest room, Ashton hugging me as soon as we had it all situated.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me, making me exhale.

"Relieved." I spoke truthfully.

Ashton.

Seconds after she told me she was relieved, she was crying.

I hugged her.

"Why am I so relieved to get rid of the house my family grew in?" she cried out
"Why am I relieved to shove all of my baby sisters toys, all of my baby brothers football gear and all of my parents shit in a storage container, where it probably won't be touched for years?" She cried out to me, hugging me tightly.

"I don't want them to think that I'm just able to get over them, to push them away this easy." She sobbed into my body, making me squeeze her.

"Ava, I can't speak for your family at all." I told her, making her look to me.

"But I do one hundred percent believe that what you're doing is very healthy and an essential part of the grieving process." I spoke to her, running my fingers through her hair.

"And I think that they would be very proud of you for staying as strong as you have, I don't think they'd think you were getting over them at all, but I also don't think that they'd want you to live in their shadow forever." I told her, wiping her tears with my thumbs as they fell.

"Do you think that my parents are mad that I couldn't save Jacob?" She asked me.

"No, ava. I don't think they're mad at you at all." I assured her.

"You are nineteen years old and you were left in a horrible situation, nothing that Jacob did was because of you, but also- you lost likely couldn't have done anything to stop him." I told her, knowing that most times- when people are in the mental state of wanting to commit suicide, there isn't much you can actually do to change that besides get them strict medical treatment, and most times, serious depression like this spreads so quickly that they're gone before you even realize what they were struggling with.

"I'm sorry- I've been crying on you a lot." She spoke once she was relaxing, wiping the tear marks off my shirt carefully.

"Don't apologize, I'm always going to be here to catch your tears"