entry #13
"toki! lets go to the snack shop!" smiling, she nodded and stood up. the other only stared and watched her leave. she was making it more open that she was friends with these twins and it made it easier to live. linking arms with the girl comfortably making her smile. "lets hope the good snacks are still there." she nodded as they walked down the hall. talking about whatever they wanted.
it didn't need to make sense for it to be fun. friendships make you realize how important these memories are. watching the girl leave, he ran his fingers through the side of his hand. tangling in with his hair.
he felt like shit, he wanted compassion. and the girl was friends with hwang yeji and hwang hyunjin of all people. of anyone she could've picked, she picked the worst sneaky foxes. they were a walking hazard sign. you basically wanted to be within 3 meters of them. seeing the lee boy slip over, he barely had the energy to speak. "how's it going with mrs. na dude? are you alright." basically letting his head fall onto his desk, his face came in contact with the coolness of it.
"jeno, i think i love toki."
"what?" he knew that was going to be the reaction. he was a fool, he was the biggest fool in the entire world. he was a walking joke. people were just too scared to laugh. "but, the whole,"
"i know, i fucking know jeno. it's like it's taunting me and it's driving me fucking insane." running his hand through his hair, this was more of a pain in the ass than usual.
"well you gotta fucking let her know before she drops you first. i thought it was apart of your master plan. go fucking tell her stupid na boy." hitting the boy on the head, he winced and scowled. he couldn't really do that, he was scared. he was scared that she would turn him away again. his stupid failure to communicate was his fault.
it was always his fault. why was it always his fault? what did he do to deserve this? he didn't mean to be so fucking stupid. he was beating himself up over his own stupidity. if he had just been smarter. if he had just been a little bit better, would things have been better.
had he just realized that this stupid bet was worthless, maybe. maybe. seeing the girl come back, she happily sat and continued to act like he wasn't present. "toki, can we talk..?" he muttered, not expecting her to even turn towards him at all. looking over, she had a blank and judgmental expression, did she really even care at this point.
"what, can't you just say it here?" picking at his nails, the lee boy looked sympathetically. "i think you should hear him out toki," he smiled with sympathy. it was the least he could do when he realized the boy was being serious. staring at the lee boy with a skeptical look, she stood up, cuing the two of them to stand up.
walking out, she noticed how eagerly the boy was following her. what's up with this dude? whatever, she couldn't care too much. she was too tired to care at this point anymore. this wasn't really her first priority.
ending up at the end of the hallway, there were no classes or students that would need to be this far down this hallway so she knew it'd be good enough for the boy to talk. crossing her arms, she turned on her heel and looked him up and down. the lee boy stood at a distance to make sure no one came down that way to the two of them.
"what. what is so important na jaemin." her words fell easily off her tongue that it was almost uncanny. "toki. i'm sorry that i couldn't tell you." he didn't even let himself explain anything. he felt sick to the stomach. he practically lunged and pulled her into an embrace, catching the girl off guard and tense. it felt so weird to be held, especially by this bastard. yet she felt herself crumble in his embrace.
he felt his emotions and his self hatred cut through, tears slipping as silent sobs. god he felt like shit, he was the worst type of people and he couldn't even find the strength to tell her the words he longed to say. his grave mistakes that could lead to his doom. yet he stood here hugging her like he deserved to be near her. what a fucking fool he was.
