Hello, my fellow readers and writers.
Are you a writer, tired of messaging different people and telling them to read your book?
Or
Are you a reader looking for books written by new writers, hoping to see new ideas and concepts?
If you fall in either...
From the moment I started this book, I knew the protagonist would be something special, not just from a fantasy perspective but generally as a role model and someone for readers to look up to. Her enthusiasm to help others shines through and by positioning Lila as a nurse we immediately realize that she holds many admirable characteristics which will most likely be carried throughout the novel and guide her actions.
Dialogue and interactions between characters are very convincing and relatable and I would even go as far to say that this is a great strength of the author when attempting to bring her characters to life. However, at times I felt Lila's character could benefit from some fine-tuning and research. For example, in the opening chapters I would suggest that the author research the technical procedure of shocking the heart or a nurse's usual way of carrying out minor appointments to really enhance storytelling and immerse the reader into a hospital environment.
Additionally in Chapter 4, I feel the description of Lila could be greatly improved, remembering that this is the main protagonist and therefore the most important character in the story. There is no room for ambiguity, the description must attempt to show not tell to really help the reader feel like they understand and are almost 'friends' with the character.
Another area of improvement is also in Chapter 4 during the introduction of Lila's parent's death, I felt this was somewhat rushed and out of the blue and could perhaps benefit from more thought maybe even introducing it earlier in the story. Perhaps in Chapter 1, Lila's pressure to save her patient stems from a fear of the patient's family experiencing the same trauma and grief she has had to go through as a child.
Other than these improvements, I really did fall in love with Lila's characterization but also other side characters such as Jaylen, Kayla and even later on when potential villains are introduced. It is because these characters are brought to life so well that I feel the author must bring more to Lila's character she is the main character after all! So please take these constructive criticisms as (in a way) compliments as well because the author is really doing an amazing job.
Make these improvements and the characterization ranking would shoot up to 15/15. I look forward to seeing it.
Plot- 13/15 points
As an avid fantasy reader, I was hooked by this plot. Following Lila through her journey to come to terms with her secret abilities and stumble head-first into another world has been a riveting experience. There has been immense character growth as she develops from a scared girl, frightened by her own capabilities to a much braver and exploratory one. As Lila's fire encounters increase so does the reader's engagement with the story and the author does a great job of making us feel like we are learning with her.
However, my only criticism would be that at times some of the writing felt purposeless, I would like to remind the author that every section must have a purpose so sometimes her eating a sandwich in a restaurant can be cut out. Purposeless sections of writing disengage the reader and do more harm than good, don't feel pressurized to hit a word count.
Remember, that not every chapter has to come directly after each other in terms of time, you could set it a week later/two weeks/three days if needed.
Themes: 10/10 points
Not much to say here as I really do believe the writer is hitting all the areas they need to in terms of themes. The largest trope in this book is one typical of fantasy novels but this I feel should be seen as a strength not a weakness. Ordinary girl turns out to be not so ordinary. This trope is extremely marketable in the fantasy community as many readers dream of the same thing happening to themselves as we are regretfully – ordinary. Therefore, the author has room to target the book at a very wide age range as it can be relatable at all stages of life.
The only minor thing is I think I would like to later on see a more independent Lila who is able to defend herself instead of relying on some of the male characters.
Individuality: 4/5 points
The characters in this story definitely have many large areas of individuality. The only minor change would be I think Lila's fire powers could be developed more. Perhaps she could look healthier every time she uses her power and maybe gets weaker if she doesn't use it after a while? Maybe her eyes could change colour when she uses it? Maybe she has to do a certain hand gesture to summon her fire? Maybe the fire is triggered by certain strong emotions?
These are all just examples, but you could think of other more individual things to add.
Basics: 4/5 points
The author has an excellent level of SPAG and I haven't found any places where I couldn't understand, or the grammar was particularly poor. I think this book has greatly benefited from time spent editing.
The 1 point was lost due to the lack of paragraph indentations. Each paragraph should have an indent, I usually use 12 space bars as I know Wattpad doesn't let you use the tab button.
Summary
Overall, this book is a greatly compelling read that I would recommend to all avid fantasy readers. The author has a great grasp surrounding writing craft and I believe with these few improvements this book has great potential to be part of a very impactful series. Although the majority of this book almost feels like a set up for later books in the series it opens up much scope for an extremely action-packed adventure full of flames and heat.
This will certainly not be the last time we hear of Lila Mason, and I dare say we can only hope for more chaos, carnage, friendship and love to come.
Total: 42/50 points
***Please take the criticism in a positive way***
~SIENNA(REVIEWER)
~THE BOOK CAFE
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