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karnation got herself together before she went to wake Kai.
she knew he would be fussy so she didn't want it wake him just yet.
today was Armani's balloon release.
she didn't wanna go but everybody urged her too.
nation had been sitting in the house ignoring everybody taking care of Kai.
"Kai wake up" she slightly shook him.
her face turned into a confused look as she felt his warm body was cold.
she picked him up and didn't feel him breathing.
her heart began racing as she scrambled to call tori.
whenever she needed someone it was tori.
"yes?" tori rapspy voice came through the phone.
"meet me at the hospital" nation basically yelled as tears came down her face.
"Kai get up baby" she frowned.
"i can't lose you and your daddy"
she ran towards her car and held him tightly as she got inside.
"please Kai" she frowned seeing his lips were blue.
she pulled out the driveway and sped down the street.
"is he ok? what happened?" nation asked the doctor.
he sent her a sad look before speaking.
"it appears Kai has died of SIDS, it's common in babies around his age. you never know if it's gonna happen or not you wouldn't have suspected it. he could've been active all day and went to sleep and it happened" he explained.
nation took a deep breath.
"let me see him" she frowned.
"this way" she followed behind him to a room.
she saw him laid in the little bed with the cover wrapped around him.
karnation sat down next to him and grabbed his small hand.
"i wish they would've took me instead of your daddy. now you too i don't know how i'll live without either one of y'all. i barely knew you and you barely knew me, we had so much to do as a family"
"but now the two of you are both gone, idk if i should go on or not. i lost two of the most important people in my life. it was his balloon release today Kai, why couldn't neither one of you waited? i can't go on knowing i have to bury both of you. you're just a baby" she expressed as tears ran down her face.
"nation" tori called out walking through the hallway.
tori walked past the room and stepped back seeing nation holding Kai.
"what's going on nation? is he ok?"
"no he's not" nation licked her lips.
"what happened, talk to me"'tori sat down.
"he died overnight and I didn't even know, i checked on him before i got ready he seemed fine"
tori bit her lip looking at nation holding Kai.
all she did was stare at him crying softly.
"you couldn't have known, it was SIDS wasn't it?" tori asked.
"yeah it was, i lost both of them in 3 days you can't tell me that's not right" nation shook her head in disbelief.
"it's not at all you don't deserve this at all"
"what did i do? to deserve this? he could've spared my son at least" nation sat him back down in the bed.
"nation it all works in different ways, you never know you might reunite later on in life once you pass away too. i know this is hard for you but i'll be with you through it all. nobody deserves this not even the worst person in the world"
nation looked down at her feet.
"it's two funerals i have to plan and attend"
"i'll plan it all, we can bury them the same day" tori grabbed her hand.
"you sure?" nation said not looking up.
"i'm sure, neither one of us needs to stay in the houses we living in. we can go with zaeland"
"ok" she nodded.
"i don't wanna leave him alone" nation looked at Kai.
"we'll wait till they come back in here"
"i'm sorry so nation" zaeland pulled her into a big hug.
"i'm fine" nation lied sitting down.
her body felt numb.
she felt lost and alone.
maybe she was a bad person.
bad things happened to bad people right?
she couldn't think of one bad thing she did that could lead god to doing this to her.
"we'll all sleep in my room tonight, baili is already in there" zaeland suggested.
he knew all of his friends were going through a hard time right now.
so all he wanted to do was be there for them and give them at least a bit of happiness.
"how is she doing?" nation asked laying her head on the arm rest of the couch.
"she stopped crying and talking all together"
"you serious?" tori questioned.
"she won't talk she only nods and rubs her stomach"
just as he said that baili walked out and sat on the couch.
"i'm pregnant" she burst into tears.
everybody eyes widened.
"i can't keep this baby i won't" baili shook her head.
"why not? you'll have a piece of him forever" tori tried to reason.
"but i need him here too, he always wanted a baby"
nation zoned out at the baby talk.
she just wasn't up for it, she was happy for her friend but cracking a smile was something she refused.
"end it all you have no one else" a voice spoke in her head.
"nation"
"i do"
"nation"
"you don't .. end it all and you'll be fine"
"NATION!"
"huh?"
"you letting make talk about a baby when you lost Kai, i'm sorry" baili hugged her.
nation hugged her back, it was like her and baili could feel the pain that was coming off of each other.
"it's fine i'll be fine" nation tried to convince herself.
thoughts ??
sorry again.
book ending next chapter i think yall will like the ending.
