Lemon Tree//JohnnyxSodapop//One-Shot

Turn Away, Because I'm Awful Just To See

Johnny had been nervous all day since he and Ponyboy had their talk. Johnny didn't want to cause anymore problems, he just wanted it all to stop. He was afraid to admit he was afraid. He was so used to a statement like that just making the people in his life angry. Johnny had very low expectations for all of this. God, he just wanted to throw up. It didn't help that he was still sick.

Johnny was able to get a couple more hours of sleep in before Ponyboy left for the day. He would come back around if he needed to. Most likely tomorrow if Johnny was still feeling like ass by the next day. Johnny wanted to go back to work and provide for his family. It would also just be an escape from home.

When Johnny got up, he did some chores. He was sick, but things still needed to get done. They weren't going anywhere, and he didn't want to make Sodapop do chores as soon as he got off of work. Johnny made sure to wash his hands and use hand sanitizer every time he touched the baby or his things. Infection control things.

Johnny could feel his heart drop down into his chest when he heard Sodapop come home. His car parked out front and walked inside their home. The sound of his car keys hitting the key dish in the front of the house. Johnny put Lemon in a playpen for now, maybe when he was done talking to Sodapop he could go back on his play mat and crawl or do some tummy time. Johnny was ready to keep things at face value.

Johnny went to where his husband was, Sodapop was surprised to see him. He was so used to Johnny running away from him. But he was happy to see his husband this close to him again.

"Hey, what's up?" Sodapop greeted.

"Can we talk?" Johnny asked. Sodapop's face fell almost immediately. He was really worried about this. Please don't let it be divorce.

"Yes... Should I sit down?" Sodapop asked. He knew nothing good would come out of that statement. Sodapop was already mentally preparing himself for devastation.

Johnny nodded. The two of them sat down, a generous amount of space between them still.

"Sodapop, I'm going to be honest with you. What you did... It has left me terrified. I can't lay in bed with you, kiss you, or sit near you. It- it's brought this whole side of defense out of me I haven't seen since I left my parents behind. You're not like my parents, no. But, I'm just fucking scared in general. The thought of being accused of shit like that again... I can't bear it!" Johnny exclaimed. He felt sick to his stomach just saying it out loud.

Soda sat there and soaked it all in at once. He had to think.

"I- I want to make it better. Please, Johnny. How do I make it better?" He asked. Sodapop felt useless in this situation. He didn't know how to fix it.

"I want..." Johnny didn't know if it was because he was anxious or all the cold medicine he had taken, but he was having trouble thinking of an answer. "Space." He said.

"Do you want me to move out?" Sodapop asked, he was crushed. His mind was going to all the worst-case scenarios.

"No! No, don't move out of the house. I just think it would be better if we kept our space until I warm up more. Until all these nerves have worn and I feel better." Johnny said. He was tired of everything. He wanted to be alone.

"So, you don't want a divorce, right?" Soda asked, he wanted to reassure himself.

"What? No, I don't want a divorce." Johnny said. Soda had thought about separating? Shit, man. That hadn't crossed his mind seriously. On the other hand, Sodapop felt consumed by the fear of Johnny leaving.

Sodapop wasn't made to be a divorcee. He saw what it did to other families, and he wanted to spare his own. He was happier with his family together, and it was better for Lemon's upbringing.