(13) i hate soft drinks

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—dorms (seokyu's room)

laying down very unhappily in her bed, she felt drained, she felt unhappy. she was tired, but not the sleepy kind or the exhaustion kind. she was just so mentally tired and drained at this point. she felt like she was on a breaking point and was in the period of her life where she just wasn't feeling happy anymore.

it could be because she was stressed these days. it could be because when she ate food she would instantly feeling like throwing up every solid and fluid in her stomach. she felt like shit, so the only reasonable idea was to call her least favourite canadian white boy. letting ring through, she placed it near her head and just laid there waiting for it to call to dial and leave a message or for the boy to say his normal— "did someone die?"

smiling, she only could close her eyes. "not yet. mark can you act like you're listening to a one sided podcast for a few minutes?" she never really liked saying that she was gonna rant or complain out loud. "lucky for you, i have work to do." he hummed as she sighed. "bro, i feel like shit. like more than usual. like i have the feeling of hunger but i'm not truly hungry you know? and that irking feeling of tiredness even when you're fully awake." moving her hands around in front of her, it was a subconscious habit she never realized. nor focused in on.

"i feel like i have no one to rely on in the group. i'm playing the big sister.. no.. the mom role right? and i'm glad i can be that figure, but i want someone too you know. like i want someone that i can look up to, that shoulder to cry on, the open door to cuddle in their bed of you know?" she felt like crying, she felt all this overwhelming pressure come crashing down on her life, just completely ruining it for her. it was like she was at the bottom of a rockslide.

gulping, she always had trouble speaking for so long without messing up or struggling to catch her breath. "like it feels like everyone in their groups in sm, the leader or older figure, always has someone to lean on. but i feel so distant from my group members. i love them, but i can't really share my woes with them like i let them to me you know?" she could practically see the boy nodding towards her.

back in trainee days, they would often do this together wherever they could. lay down beside each other and have one sided rants. knowing someone was listening verses just saying it to them over text and not seeing their expressions felt cruel and depressing to her. than it already was she assumed. they'd been in the drive thru of her house, the rooftop of the dorms, the practice rooms, the park at 9pm, knowing that they were risking the minors curfew time. and more places she couldn't think of at that very moment.

"like i'm taking all this weight and acting like it doesn't effect me? like why do i do that, my mortal sin i swear, it's just so painful. i've had injuries less painful than the weight of all of this. i hate to be that bitch to my members, and i know not every group gets along. but i feel like i shouldn't pretend like im close to my members. i'm only a label to them, you know? i'm the unnie that is unreachable. but i don't like that label. i want to be known for more than just the person who's untouchable and has all these friends and whatnot."

"i want to be reachable, i want to be there, but i can't. because it's like i'm trying to invade someone's privacy and act like i'm best friends with my girls." she sighed. getting most of the load she was thinking about at the moment. it really did lighten her mood. she still felt unwell. "phew. now that that is off my chest, here's the real talk." she paused and waited for the boy to respond.
"oh thank god, i was about to start crying and it'd be your fault. stop living a difficult life it makes me sad."

laughing, she knew she could rely on this idiot to be able to make sure feel better after fake talk as they liked to call emotional conversations. "bro i'm losing it in my dorm. THESE GIRLS ONLY DRINK SODA LIKE UGH CAN THEY NOT." she complained, knowing her room was sound proof with how many sound boards she had on her walls. "what's so wrong with soda? as long as it isn't something shit like vanilla cherry cola i think it's fine." she could see him shrug and shake his head slowly with a disappointed expression.

"oh my god, yeah, who the fuck thought vanilla cherry taste good, it taste like shit. i'd rather have sparkling water and i hate sparkling water." shivering at the thought of those horrid drinks, it was terrible remembering such bad terrible drink choices there are in the world. "fruity cola is never that good to be honest. and i love cola like my life is on the line."
"yeah i know, don't have to tell me twice best friend."

"anyways, back on topic, the girls keep drinking soda and i swear to god they are gonna die from dehydration and then i have to take accountability like what? they're the ones that died." she rolled her eyes, knowing very well how depressing and disappointing that would be. "i think it's just because you hate soft drink." he hummed, "i hate soft drinks."

the idea of soft drinks already made her annoyed, but she had to be surrounded by it. AND THEY WERE DRINKING SHIT LIKE FANTA LIKE WHO PICKS FANTA THERE ARE SO MANY BETTER OPTIONS BUT YOU PICK FANTA? "do you want me to deliver you boba or something?"
"no i wanna start talking about my embarrassing crushes on your nct members." she spoke shamelessly.

"ew.. those are my brothers.. i can't believe you ever dared to have crushes on them you psychopathic loner." letting her mouth fall open, she couldn't believe the slander she had to deal with this from this other loner. "sorry, sorry, did i just hear the white boy who has never kissed someone say that i'm a loner?" she gasped, taking a swing at the boy. "LOOK JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD A RELATIONSHIP THAT ONE TIME DOES NOT MEAN YOU AREN'T ANYMORE OF A LONER." the screaming from this boy piercing her ears.

already deciding on moving on with this loner talk, she reminisced on her old crushes. "remember when i had the biggest fucking crush on sicheng oppa? like star struck on the ground, flying to the moon and back?" she gasped, feeling like it was just yesterday that she had a crush on the boy.

"oh my god don't remind me. all you did for a year was take photos of winwin hyung and then send it to me and then tell me that you wanted to marry the man." he gagged, not remember fond and beautiful memories with the older and girl. "don't even get me started on yuta oppa. man treats me like a princess. we stan a respectful king." she sighed a happy smile. remembering how much she had a crush on them. "please stop talking about your crushes." he groaned.

smiling, she pretended like she didn't benefit from his misery. his pain was what made her the happiest person ever. and we love that, this is why their friendship has trust issues. "i like it better when you're talking about baekhyun hyung and chanyeol hyung as your biases in exo." he sighed making her gasp and giggle. turning over so she would lay on her stomach. kicking her feet back and forth.

"oh my god, remember when baekhyun and chanyeol oppas showed up to our practice room and then they just went to give me their light stick when it was first released? and then when the next version was released they gave me signed versions of their light stick." she squealed, acting like her exo signed merchandise and whatnot wasn't on her shelf right now.

"no, tell me another four thousand times and maybe your point will be more clear with me." he scoffed. "shut up you cried when we passed by boa sunbaenim in the halls one time." hearing the boy lash out immediately and tsk, she just loved to get on his nerves. they both had shit on each other that would definitely get headlines screaming and whatnot.

basically meaning that neither should fuck up or do something stupid that could result in a fall out and even worse. them resenting each other. she couldn't believe a world where neither of them ever became friends. the thought made her stomach turn and spin at how stupid it is.

"do you think i have a chance with sicheng oppa still.."
"BRO GIVE IT UP IT'S BEEN 7 YEARS SINCE YOUR CRUSH?"



posted; 14/08/22

author notes
no one better be shipping these two they're too sacred

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