Queen Stevenson? I heard my name being called. I looked up and the CO was standing at the door. I took a deep breath and stood up. My feet felt like they was bolted to the floor and I couldn't move.
Right this way! He said as I walked past him and through the door. "Second table in the back row A" he said as he pointed to the table. I looked in the direction at the table and he was already sitting there. I nodded my head and swallowed hard.
I pulled my chair out and sat down. Our eyes met and his was filled with sadness. His hair grew so much so fast, he even had a beard sprouting, his eyes was filled with sadness and hurt. He wore a faded orange jump suit, and hands was cuffed to the table.
Hi Micah!
He licked his lips and looked away.
I don't need you to talk back but listen!
I don't have nothing to say to you Queen!
I have something to say to you Micah and you owe me that much.
You think so?
I know so....Micah when we started talking you introduced me to a vibe you couldn't maintain with me. You made me open up to you just to do me like everyone else in my life.
How? I loved you!
You knew you wasn't ready to date someone new. You was still in love with her....you showed me something new and different and the way you looked at me, talked to me, took care of me, Micah I know you loved me, I know you did and you can't deny that. I loved you to I had so much love for you I was falling in love with you. You began to protect me with everything in you. You moved me into a beautiful house, and bought me a brand new truck. I am forever greatful for all that you did but you left me high and dry. You bluntly left me multiple times and lied to me in my face about what you was doing and where you was at. It made me feel like I wasn't worth anything like you was putting me back into the situation that I was in. Like the love was never there and I questioned myself over and over and over again.
I did love you! I still love you, Queen you unlocked a piece of my heart and feelings that I would never understand and I don't know how to understand it...
Micah if you love me why are your protecting her?
Protecting who?
Halo! I said sternly!
I ain't protecting nobody man Queen get the fuck outta here with that shit.
Yes you are and you know it! She should be sitting in that chair right now not you! Your protecting her and I get it you love her!
She didn't shoot you I did!
Micah you couldn't of possibly shot me you wasn't there! But you did dispose of the gun didn't you.?
He looked the other way licking his lips pissed off.
I sat and thought in my head everyday over and over again about how you always claimed you loved me and had love for me but you shot me? Micah you wasn't even there that day. You pulled up to get Ja'Kari from Monster and y'all got into it. I heard Heavens voice and how shaky and disbelief Halo was after she pulled that trigger she wants me dead not you! And your protecting her because of it.....and all I could think of is how am I going to tell my son his biological father is in jail for attempted murder....
His biological father? You referring me as a medical term now...
Your not his father Micah! Monster is!
No he's not! He yelled! I am! I am his father and you can't take that away from me!
I can and I did when you put me last! When you put his last. When you left him to be with your daughter every single time! When you didn't come to a doctors appointment, help with anything.... Ja'Kari made sure he was at every single appointment since I met him. He painted his nursery and put up his crib, stroller and car seat which all of he bought. He bought his clothes, he bought his shoes, he bought every single last diaper and wipe, he was there for the birth and cut his umbilical cord. He was at his first doctors appointment, he was there when he was sick, he reads to him every night and morning, he baths him and feeds him. He knows how to settle him when he's fussy, he knows when he's not feeling well, he knows how to take care of him. What formula he uses and how to prepare his bottles, he stays up with him all night when he doesn't wanna sleep or when he cries all night. He wakes up in the middle of the nights in panics making sure he's still
Alive. And most importantly he make sure he tells him that "DADDY LOVES YOU" every single day and he never forgets to do it! I yelled to the top of my lungs in tears. Micah had tears in his eyes. "That's his father, and you are a poor excuse of a man, and of a father, You let a bitch hate me so bad she tried to kill me all because of you! But my son will have both of his parents loving him til we take our last breaths!"
You think I wanted this? You think I wanted you to confine in another man and fall in love with another man. I was trying to figure things out and shit was moving to fuckin fast for me. I didn't wanna hurt you! Your so delicate and pure and I was hurting you every single day and i couldn't stand to keep doing you wrong. I loved you so much I thought if I did shit to scare you, it would keep you away for good and she would get over you. I feared what she would do to you and my son but I couldn't hurt her either but I wanted to! I wanted to protect y'all. I didn't want you to fall in love with someone else! I knew I lost you when I seen you was 6 months pregnant and yall was out buying baby stuff and you looked so happy....I didn't bother anymore cause I knew I could never give you that happiness. It hurted so bad seeing someone you love being loved by someone else. And the way my son lights up when he's in his presence I couldn't give him Tortured me day in and day out. I wanted to be the one that was y'all family not him, and he came in and took y'all away from me! That bullet was never suppose to be for you! But her jealousy and rage took over and by scaring you I thought would make you go away and keep you safe for good and i did just that so she wouldn't come trying to kill you again because I loved you.
Congratulations on the marriage I heard it was beautiful! I hope he treats you like the Queen you truly are! Just remember everything that glitters ain't gold and his dark secrets will be revealed. I'm locked up and can't help you! Micah said sternly through his tears than getting up to leave.
This was one emotional closure that I needed but my mind couldn't help to keep replaying his last sentence. What did he mean by that?
