DON'T LET IT OUT

Ch-1 The Devil Within

"Mr. Ben... I would like to say that the first step...the very first step ...that makes way for a person to achieve their goals in order to become what they want... is motivation. Apart from the professional advice and sugar-coated words that are coming out of my mouth via your laptop screen, it applies to everyone, even someone as vile and pathetic as a terrorist needs motivation to do stuff in order to get what he...or she...wants. And I believe the reason you took this therapy session in the first place is for the prime purpose of you getting better from something that you want to leave behind, but I don't see you trying...there's no point in either one of us trying to continue what we are doing because I feel like you really haven't decided yourself if you want to get better."

"Tell me, Dr. Monroe...." He leans forward towards the screen, eyebrows furrowed when the clamoring from the T.V News anchor catches him off guard.

'IT'S 19th AUGUST 2031! AND IT HAS BEEN EXACTLY ONE MONTH SINCE THE VIRUS OUTBREAK AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING TO SEE WHERE THE WORLD STANDS TODAY...'

He turns it off in disgust, after struggling to get the remote from under his sofa.

Fucking...pathetic. Like... what's the point of saying these godamn words when there's no point in it?

Twenty-one-year-old Ben exhales out with eyes closed after gently placing the remote on the coffee table, and turns back into his imperturbable self while sitting on the chair facing his laptop screen.

"So, Dr. Monroe I was gonna ask you if you believe in the devil? Do you believe he exists? I mean... the way I see it today; it would be a joke to find out that he doesn't."

"For the first part, I'm a therapist, not a doctor. And as for your question, Devil? As in like a concept? Or a being?"

"Not sure. Either one. I just need the truth."

"Well...from a catholic perspective I think it does. I believe it walks among us and exists; sometimes within us and sometimes facing us in the form of something. But may I ask the reason for you asking this question all of a sudden?"

"I don't know...I've been really messed up doc.. there was a part of me that wanted to see the world in good light, the part of me that wanted to bring a real change. And I don't know if it was luck or good's good faith in me, but things were going well...holy fuck ...things were really..."

"Language Please Mr. Ben. I would really appreciate you taking the bare minimum responsibility for not letting my kids receive notorious education from YOUR version of sugar-coated words."

"Sorry. I mean things were really good. And a couple of bad plot twists and bad stuff happen to mah story and every single thing I did was disregarded, it was pointless. It is ...pointless. All of this mechanical life that we live in today...doing things we don't wanna do. Going places, we don't wanna be going, smiling even when we don't want to, making sure that your close ones stay strong. They smile back at me...but I can see through that doc... I can see through that fake smile. It's just a gesture of good faith...that's all. Or else. They are just as fucked up as I am. And all this time there's a devil inside me that keeps trying to let itself out, trying to let itself loose, seeking vengeance from all the hatred that had been stacking up. And I....I...I'm just...I'm really afraid..."

"Afraid of what?"

For the first time in these sessions, his eyes turn directly to Monroe, to tell the ultimate truth that he'd been trying to say.

"Of letting the devil out. I'm not just afraid cuz once I let it out, I'll lose myself, I'm afraid cuz I know for a fact that If I let that happen, there's a part of me that will enjoy it, letting loose of all the hatred that had been stacking up. You know what 'm sayin'?"