Home Had Never Felt Colder

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The walk back to the castle had never been quieter. More eerie. Unsettling. As though I was no longer welcome to stand on its grounds, nor worthy of being a pupil there. I felt dirty, the tears streaming down my cheeks that I had long fought to keep at bay whilst in Voldemort's presence. I had no choice, I tried to tell myself. It was for Harry. And Severus. Severus, who had kept so many secrets from me. Who was waiting for me in the courtyard, frantically searching the grounds for my presence. Who came rushing towards me when his dark orbs found my own. I felt sick to my stomach. My left arm burned but I refused to nurse it, merely tugging at my dressing gown in the hopes it would conceal whatever was lurking underneath. Now, it was my turn to lie to him...

Relief consumed the raven-haired man, his robe billowing with the wind as the early hours of the following morning approached. Dawn was beginning to set in. "Emerald, are you alright? Where in Merlin's-"

"-Don't." I spoke, holding my hand up sharply to dismiss his concern. My emotions were beginning to rise, once again. I wouldn't have very long. If he were not already following me, 'Professor Moody' would soon be arriving at the school. The Potion Master's eyes grew in worry.

"Is there anything you'd like to share about where I lived before Wool's? Or, perhaps, who brought me up until I was three years old!?" I exclaimed, my voice laced with venom as I watched Severus recoil slightly. His entire body appeared to flinch at the notion, his face crinkled with guilt. "Alastor told you." He sighed.

I scoffed, shaking my head in the hopes this lie would be convincing. After all, his eyes were focused on the floor, so as I punished myself by making the side of my cheek bleed, my tell-tale sign was overlooked by the man I cared for more than anyone. Who had no right to lie to me about such a thing. "I figured it out, myself. Give me some credit, Severus."

The man was speechless, my bluntness clearly taking him off-guard. I ran a hand through my hair angrily, "Why look after me for three years and then just send me to an orphanage? Dumbledore said you wanted me out of there more than anyone!"

"I did!" Severus retorted, his eyes desperate as he took a step forth. But I merely stepped away, the distance between us remaining the same. Momentary fear flickered in his dark orbs, "Emerald, please. There is so much I wish to tell you but you are far too young to understand-" I shook my head, a tear streaming down my cheek as I turned to walk away from him. He still saw me as a child, even though I had dealt with many trials in life beyond my years. But I was too tired to argue this with him. Severus' opinion wouldn't change no matter what I said.

"Word had spread that the Dark Lord had made a return. I-I thought you'd be safer with the Muggles. By the time the rumours ceased, a family had already taken you in." His explanation made sense, to a point. But I had never felt as much hatred for that man as I had in that very moment. Not only did he abandon me, share information with Voldemort that lead to my mother and father being targeted and join his Deatheater group...But he wasn't there when I needed him more than ever. He didn't see that I was under the imperious curse nor did he come to rescue me in Little Hangleton. Severus had always been my salvation in my worst of moments. And until tonight, he had always succeeded.

My teary eyes turned to meet him, once more. For some reason, this moment felt like it had some permeance to it. A farewell of sorts. Whether it was so Severus or a part of myself, I wasn't so sure. But we had evidently gotten too close to one another. Came to care too deeply. Perhaps, it was time to say farewell to those feelings. For a new dawn was quickly approaching. One with Voldemort in it. One where the dark mark, identical to my Professor's, now brandished my left wrist. I knew it would all have to come to an end, in that moment, if I were to continue with my own mission to cause Voldemort's downfall. And distance myself from Severus, entirely.

"Goodnight, Professor Snape.*

"Emerald!"

I jolted awake, Hermione's sudden outburst disrupting my momentary drift towards sleep. Having not slept at all the night previous, exhausted would be an understatement. "Sorry, Hermione. You was saying?" I yawned, dusting the last of my pumpkin pasty from my . She merely laughed, taking a piece of flaky pastry from my .

"I was talking about that rat Rita Skeeter. How can she possibly be writing stories about things she, most certainly, was not there for?"

Harry shrugged, "Maybe she's got someone on the inside?" He suggested, Hermione nodding and making a note on her piece of parchment. A sudden realisation dawned on me of Voldemort and I's conversation the night prior. My arm stung slightly at the recurrence, but I ignored the sensation, feeling it was well-deserved for my betrayal. "Perhaps, not a rat. But something else, maybe?" The trio eyed me as though I was mad, which, perhaps, I now was.

"Think about it. Pettigrew stalked the halls of Hogwarts for years without being detected. Maybe good ol' Rita Skeeter is doing the same thing. I think we might need to get out the Marauder's Map, Harry." I smirked, but my brother merely shook his head in regret. "No can do, I'm afraid. Moody took it from me just before the Second Task. Lucky he did, otherwise Snape would have got his hands on it."

"Yeah," I scoffed, my stomach churning at the mention of his name, "Lucky." I spoke in agreement.

"Leave it to me. I'll catch her without the map, if she really is an Animagus." Hermione chimed with the utmost confidence. The rest of the conversation was drowned out as we casually sipped out warm Butterbeers, the snow outside Hogsmeade beginning to settle, as Sirius told Harry it would in his letter.

"I suppose we better go see Padfoot." Harry grinned, glugging the last bit of his drink down. At least I had something to be excited about, for I hadn't seen Sirius since leaving Grimmauld Place.

The cave was freezing cold, Buckbeak tethered to the wall by a piece of rope as Sirius transformed into a human. He donned his Azkaban prison wear, once more, and looked as though he had not bathed nor eaten much in well over a month. "Did you bring it?" He asked, Harry presenting him with a buffet of food he had squandered from the breakfast table that morning. The man's eyes widened in glee the moment he looked inside, "Chicken!" and began gnawing on the meat, relief settling in his tired eyes. He looked how I felt. After a few mouthfuls, he began to speak.

"How have you all been?" He asked, settling on one of the bigger rocks in the cave. Harry, Ron and Hermione followed in suit, but I merely leaned against the arches, stood further away from the rest. "Besides little, Miss sleepy over here," She sighed, nodding towards me as I rolled my eyes in retort, "We're absolutely fine."

"Really?" Sirius queried, brows furrowed as I avoided his gaze, "And what's been keeping you up at night, Emerald?"

Many things, I wished to answer without the necessity of having to divulge my concerns. "School stuff." I shrugged, beginning to trail my fingers across the many engravings in the stony cave. Again, not a complete lie but entirely different to the full truth. "Do you wish to talk about it?" He asked, watching me very carefully. Of course, I wanted to say. But all I replied with was, "I'll be alright, thanks, Sirius. Nothing that can't solve itself." This was a complete and utter lie. But Sirius Black had far more to worry about than my problems, as did everyone else in the cave. Another time, I thought. When Voldemort is dead...

*A/N

Hi, everyone!

So, I'm going away on Holiday tomorrow for the week! So happy to be having some time away from work! I am planning on taking my laptop with me so I might be able to put another chapter up during the week but I can't make any promises, I'm afraid! Just wanted you all to be aware so that you don't think I've disappeared lol.

I didn't want to leave this chapter on a cliff-hanger, as I truly loathe them as much as the next person. So I hope this chapter will suffice until the next one is up. Let me know what you all think!

Thank you so much for your continued support! It's crazy to think we've passed 100,000 reads! 

Take care my lovely readers and I will see you very shortly :)

Rebecca xo

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