If I Stay✔️

49

A/N: please note guys, I've researched a lot about this specific mental illness, but I'm not a doctor and I apologise if I've made any mistakes. Please point them out to me if I have.

trigger warning: mentions of mental illness and suicide.

Beads of sweat gathered around Zac's forehead, his heart hammering in his chest as his trepidation rose. He's okay, he's fine, everything is fine, he repeated in his mind over and over. Because it had to be fine, he couldn't cope with anything less than fine.

Not again.

Rubbing his eyes to try and rid of the never ending pools of water, the world around him became blurry, the tears never leaving, yet never falling. Calm down, he's fine. His feet were moving at a not-so-normal pace, his sneakers squelching against the polished hospital floor as he rushed towards Leo's room, desperate to see for his own eyes that Leo was fine.

Ever since Charlie's call twenty minutes prior, Zac was struggling to keep himself from falling apart. He thought things were getting better, yesterday, he was positive - so fucking positive - that Leo was in the process of acceptance, gradually pulling himself out of the pit of his despair and slowly - but surely, opening up. Now? Now Zac didn't know if everything that ever resembled good was simply just a figment of his imagination.

Because it happens doesn't it? You imagine what you hope to see. You continue to fool yourself into believing things are getting better and slowly you become so lost in the midst of it all, that you can't decipher what's a dream and what's reality.

"Zac!" Charlie's voice rang in his ears, pausing his thoughts in an instant. When did I reach Leo's room? "You're here," the younger man breathed, a small flicker of relief in his honey toned eyes.

"Where's Leo?" Zac demanded, overly apprehensive of the answer as he gazed at the empty bed.

"He's having some tests," Charlie responded softly. "Dr Owens will discuss everything soon," he lifted his arm and glanced at the silver watch wrapped around his wrist. "The test should be over within the next ten minutes. Why don't we go and wait for Martin in his office?"

Tests? What tests?

Shaking his head instantly, Zac refused. "No, I want to be here when Leo gets back."

"He'll be sedated, Zac." Charlie pointed out, shrinking back slightly as Zac glared at him.

Sedated? Zac swallowed painfully before asking, "Why would he be sedated? What are these tests for?"

Charlie exhaled a long breath, moving to take a seat on Leo's bed, gesturing with his hand for Zac to do the same. The older man refused to sit, instead pacing the room as he waited for Charlie to just fucking speak.

"Zac," Charlie said, he, too, rising from the bed to approach the panic ridden man. "I think we should just wait for Dr Owens and then discuss this." He finished, his hand patting Zac's shoulder comfortingly.

In an instant, Zac's hands found themselves on Charlie's forearms. Blue eyes narrowed on gold as he pressed Charlie against the wall, running his tongue along his teeth, he whispered desperately. "Char, please. I'm not in the mood for this. I need you to tell me what's going on. Now."