Penn State University.
Home to the craziest sorority girls, most obnoxious athletes, and a girl that yearns for a boy that she can't have.
Sage Williams is the girl that nobody had noticed in high school. She was the youngest out of her siblings. S...
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Blaise Beck-Day Present
I couldn't stand to watch the game with everyone.
Tucked away, inside the stadium, I sat hidden from everyone– my family and friends, who were downstairs, and even on the field. I sat in front of a television, feet planted on the ground, with my head in my hands.
I hadn't been in this stadium since I was sixteen. I grew up at this stadium, in this town, with these people, and yet I couldn't find a reason to look at them because with every look I gave them, it felt like the looks they were giving me were full of shame and disappointment.
Coming back here was all a mistake. One huge mistake.
I thought with me coming back here, I wanted the validation and comfort of knowing that she didn't hate me. I thought that she could never hate me– and she won't even look at me. She won't even look at me, and when she does it's full of hate as if I had uprooted every single flower that had ever been planted inside of her.
I came back here for my own selfish reasons because I left her with selfless meaning.
I don't know when my obsession with her started but what I did know is that I have been in love with Sage since the day that she offered me the caterpillar on the playground. I fell in love with the way her voice was soft on some days, but it screeched if you teased her long enough. I fell in love with the way that she would pick up disgusting worms from the ground or the way she would rather relocate a spider than smoosh it with a shoe.
In a world full of hate she always showed love, kindness, and compassion.
But now all she showed me was hate.
In Paris, I felt like I had lost myself. I felt like everything I was doing– I was doing with the intent to forget about her. I was doing everything to forget about life before because I knew that coming back here would stir the pot of drama that nobody needed.
Maybe if I hadn't read my mom's journal entries maybe I would've stayed. Maybe I would've been able to live with the animosity that would fill the air like dirty pollution. I kept asking her what happened, but in all reality– all I know is that I left. I left and I am the cause for everything. I left for her, and that's the truth. I never wanted her to show hate– that is why I left.
