✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

111. What You Want

"Spike!" Tess found herself grinning as soon as he came into sight. She had been so anxious waiting for him, but once she saw him she was just glad he was here. Ffrances had vanished a few minutes before, after reassuring her that there was no way Gabby would be able to spy on their activities today. This was a special day for Tess and Spike; daddy and little girl. So they could find out if they were both comfortable doing the age regression thing together. There would be no distractions.

"Tess!" he called back, turning sharply. He'd been walking towards the front door, maybe to knock, but changed to heading for Tess once he saw her at the side of the house. "We playing in the garden today? I thought you'd be inside."

"I just..." she stammered. "It's a bit warmer now, spring's starting. I kind of... figured that knocking might be a nerve-wracking thing after the way Gabby's treated you before, and it might be more comfortable and natural if I wait for you out here." That train of thought had sounded so smart and rational when it came to mind, but now it just felt a little weird. She hoped that he wasn't going to laugh.

"Smart. Oh, I didn't notice you had a bench out here. That's not new, is it? No... I bet it was covered by fallen leaves, and then by snow, when I've been here in the past. I bet it could feel like you're in the middle of nature, right? Like the other houses will be behind that hedge, and the only wall you can see has climbing plants up it. Like a little piece of bottled wilderness."

"Yeah, something like that," Tess agreed, and then blushed. She wanted to impress him, but there was no way she would ever be able to wrap up simple sentiments like that and make them sound like poetry. "I was just clearing it off. The hedge kind of grew over it, the first shoots of spring growth are trying to climb on it. So I thought I could do something useful while I wait for you."

"Helping with the chores is always admirable," he said, and she found herself feeling so proud. "Even if you're a sweet little girl, you want to do your bit. Or perhaps you want to impress everyone and get a reward?"

"I... uhh... ahh!" Tess blushed crimson, and couldn't find a single word to say. He was treating her like a little kid already, reminding her what she had agreed to for the day, and it made her feel so warm inside. Loved and cared for, protected. Spike's most important little treasure, and someone who would always look up to him. He was being everything a real Daddy should be. It would be so easy right now to just do everything he asked; she wouldn't have any inhibitions at all. If he was the monster of Gabby's nightmares who wanted to hurt her, she was defenceless. But she knew that he only wanted what was best for her, and that was what made her feel so comfortable trusting him this far.

"You're really okay with this?" he said, coming over and sitting beside her on the bench. That eased her awkwardness a little, meaning that she didn't need to think about whether she should stand up, stay there, or which door she should take him to. It seemed like every little detail was an important choice now, because she didn't know what kind of messages she might be sending beyond the obvious ones.

"I think so," Tess answered. "As long as you're happy, that's really important. I want you to enjoy it. I don't even know what I'm doing... I mean, I don't have a clear picture in my mind of how I'd act if I were a child. And I don't know what parts of that behaviour would be appropriate."

"Well how about we talk a little first, then? See if we can work out some things we could do. See what you want me to do for you, and what you don't. But you said you don't really know, didn't you? I think you said that you've done some of this regression stuff with your cousin before. So, what did you do then? Did you enjoy it?"

"That was all about what she wanted," Tess said carefully. "Definitely not an age I would have chosen if I'm doing it for myself. But I'd rather... rather focus on what you want this time, not just what you think you should do. It doesn't matter if it's like I'm a child again. If it's realistic or not. The... it's hard to explain." She took a deep breath, and Spike just sat there with his arm around her. Comforting. A couple more breaths, and she thought she could summon the courage to say it: "Ffrances hypnotised me. To make it feel more real. And it's amazing how much that can change my perceptions. That's what interests me more than the actual regression thing, I guess. I guess it's like... if you booked one of those experience days they're always advertising in magazines, a hot air balloon flight or something, you wouldn't think about where it's flying to. You want the journey, and the destination doesn't matter so much. So long as you're making me feel different things, or do different things, it's less important what those things actually are."