𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐉𝐉 | 𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

35. jj isn't good with feelings.

T H I R T Y - F I V E
jj isn't good with feelings.

Everyone - especially Otto - was shocked at how well JJ took to being a parent, after the initial shock and terror he was going to fuck it all up he realised he wouldn't. At least not as bad as his father, and that was good enough for JJ and Otto.

It was very easy to not follow in his father's footsteps, he couldn't see how anyone would hit their child.

When Freddie was two weeks old she finally had the brain capacity to think about something other than him.

And what came into her mind was JJ's confession.

Her fingers scrubbed her scalp, washing her hair meticulously.

She didn't say it back to him, she actually completely glazed over it as if she hadn't heard it. She didn't think it was fair to say something as deep as that without meaning it.

After being satisfied with how much she scrubbed it, she washed it out and began scrubbing it again.

You'd know if you loved someone, right? It'd just be something that popped into your brain very clearly. It'd be very apparent. It wouldn't need much thought.

She began washing the shampoo out again, running her hands through from the roots of her all the way down to the ends to make sure she got it all out.

The thought of being without JJ terrified her, she didn't think she'd be able to do it without JJ. Not now that she was use to his help.

Gathering practically a handful of conditioner in her hand she ran it through her ends, trying to get all the knots out.

She also didn't like the idea of JJ being with someone, dating someone.

She cleaned her body while the conditioner sat, and then washed both the body wash off and conditioner out.

But that didn't mean she loved him.

She'd been in the shower a while, long enough for JJ to get worried. He knocked on the door, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." She yelled back throught the door and over the noise of the shower. After, a few more seconds she switched off the shower and squeezed the water out if her hair.

She got out of the shower and began blow drying her hair, just trying to get some of the water out. She hated when it wet the back of her shirt.

Then the realisation set in.

Just because JJ said he loved her, didn't mean he was in love with her. Otto loved her mum but she obviously wasn't in love with her. JJ just loved her because she gave him Freddie.

He just saw him as the mother of his baby.

She'd been so fucking cocky thinking someone like JJ would be in love with someone like her, they slept together while they were both insanely drunk and high. He wouldn't have slept with her if they were both sober.

Otto didn't even look like she did the night they slept together, she looked so different.

JJ was a teenager, he wanted someone who didn't look like they just had a baby. Teenager's are notoriously shallow, in highschool the main thing that made you popular was if you were good looking.

Even if she was up to his standard that night she most definitely wasn't now, she looked like a complete and utter mess.

After she finished blow-drying her hair, brushing her teeth and getting dressed she walked out of the steamy bathroom, she went over to Freddie and gave him a kiss on the forehead before getting into her side of the bed.