𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗖𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗧 || l. ackerman

Chapter 22

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𝑳𝑰𝑻𝑻𝑳𝑬 𝑪𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑻
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They say things occur for a reason, and perhaps the reason why you went upstairs to call Levi and Erwin was for you to know that. But you wished you wouldn't have known that way.

Their voices were muffled behind the wooden door. You had almost knocked but something made you stop. It was Levi's voice. You had found yourself moving closer, hearing his voice more clearly.

You had so many thoughts running in your mind at that moment, your hand lowering down your side as you felt your heartbeat racing and throbbing. There were so many feelings all at once it was hard to pinpoint exactly which it was you were feeling when you heard what Levi said.

You didn't know whether to open the door or turn around. The thoughts were overwhelming as you closed your eyes shut and hung your head down.

But in the end, you decided to turn around and walked downstairs. Levi's words are still ringing in your head. You found your hands trembling and that was when the glass slipped and fell, like your thoughts they shattered into hundred tiny fragments.

When you had excused yourself upstairs, the baby in your arms, it didn't take long until you heard the door of the room opening and shutting softly and Levi's familiar footsteps could be heard.

"Y/n," he called, walking towards you and then stopping just in front.

He fell on his knees, like what those people in the church do when they pray or repent. And then he looked at you, with his steely gray eyes that are always cold towards most people but contained a sort of warmth when looking at you.

Then he lowered his head, his hair falling curtain on his eyes. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I know you're angry."

"I'm not," you said, voice held a melancholic tone. "I'm not angry. I'm sad."

Only when he looked up did he see the unshed tears threatening to fall from your eyes. One traitor tear had fallen, landing on the blanket that's wrapped around the baby.

"Do you think I'll be happy knowing that you chose me? That this child would have died so I could live?" More tears started to follow that one traitor tear. "And I'm sad, because you have to make that choice when no parents should. I'm sad because I will never have any idea just how much you regret it."

That's right, you did feel a tinge of anger, but anger is a heavy word to describe it. What you felt was more like betrayal, that he didn't tell you earlier, about that choice he had to make. But that feeling was almost instantly overturned by the feeling of sadness. Because you knew you will never have any idea how much Levi regretted that choice.

"I regret it," he said, lowering his head again, his forehead creasing. "So damn much. I regret it every single day since Lucas was born."

After a pause to let the silence linger by, Levi lifted his head to look at you, and spoke those words. "But I would have regretted it a hundredfold if I chose an unborn child over you whom I love longer than anyone else."

He had never loved anyone else longer as he had loved you. His mother had died when he was young, his friends before he joined the Corps were people he cared for. Erwin was someone he respects. But none of them he loved as much as he loves you.