Best friend(Conrad fisher x reader)

14. Haunted

TW: SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, ED

We all eventually got out of the pool and went upstairs to change. I put on some grey sweats and a oversized t-shirt. I sat on my bed and pulled out my phone to check for messages. None. Well that's sad. I got up and started walking towards my bookshelf. While going towards it I took a glance at my moms electric guitar (the pic of it is either in the first or second chapter). It was a cream color with white and had gold details. I remember how I would always bug my mom to let me just touch it. She loved that guitar with all her heart. She told me that her grandparents were in a band when they were younger and that her grandmother, my great grandma, played the electric guitar while her grandpa played the drums. Then my great grandma gave it to my grandma, then my grandma gave it to my mom, and now it's mine.

I ran my fingers along the front of the guitar admiring it. I haven't played in so long. I pick it up and sit on my bed with it in my lap. I look down at it deciding whether or not I'd want to play it. Yup I wanna play it. I get up and attach the wire to it that connects to the speaker. Our neighbors wouldn't care so why not?

I played a chord and it brought back every memory of my mom.

~flashback~

I hear some very loud noises. I was automatically drawn to the music. I walk towards the noise and peak through the door to see my mom. She was playing the guitar bobbing her head to the beat. I accidentally pushed the door making it creak. My mom stopped playing and looked at me. I awkwardly smiled . My mom smiled at me and asked me to come over. She then started teaching me how to play the instrument. It was like a movie, it was golden hour and the suns was hitting us through the window. I learned pretty quickly for a five year old.
~end of flashback~

I tried to stop the tears from falling but it was no use. A couple hours from that my mom and dad died and one of my favorite memories of my mother was one of the worst. I looked down at the instrument and smiled as tears fell on to it . I let out a quiet sob and looked up towards the window. I decided I was gonna play my moms favorite song, or at least the song she played all the time, 'One' by Metallica.

(It's the song at the top btw)

I started playing it while remembering every single memory of my mom and dad. The good and the bad. I was so focused on the song I didn't even care about my surroundings. Tears welled in my eyes once more but I didn't let them escape.

I just finished the last chord when I started to hear someone clapping slowly. I turned to see Conrad leaning against my door frame clapping with a small smile on his face. I didn't even realize he was there.

"I haven't heard you play in years" he says crossing his arms

"Yeah well I just did" is say looking at him

"Why don't you take it back with you?" He says sitting on my bed

"I'm already haunted by my parents death conrad, I don't need to be haunted even more" I with a slight chuckle. And I guess humor is my coping mechanism.

"Haunted? What do you mean haunted?" He says furrowing his eyebrows

I walk over to my bed and sit next to him.

"Yeah um I didn't really get the fact that my parents died when I was younger, everything felt sorta you know, normal" I take a deep breath "but in middle school people would um make fun of me for not having parents. They'd call me an orphan, which I technically was, they called me a freak, and they said that my parent hated me so much that they killed themselves. Me being the kid that blamed themselves for their parents death, I believed them. I eventually stopped eating and I got an ED, I went to rehab for 6 months. "

"What?!" He says with concern laced in his voice "why didn't you tell me?!"

"No one but Laurel and Susannah knew and I wanted to keep it that way."

"You believed that douche bag when they said that your the reason for your parents death"

"That's not even the best part," I say with a sad chuckle "when we came back for the summer I was 13 and I was at a stage in my life where I was just ultimately depressed. I guess I'm a good actor because everyone thought I was perfectly fine.....on the day my parents died I went to kill myself, I went to the same road they died on and I just stood there waiting to get hit by a car."

Conrad looks at me with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open.

"As soon as I saw headlights of a car I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It was dark out so it would've been easier to get hit. I waited for the car to hit me but it didn't instead the lady driving it ran out of the car and asked me why I was there I was just silent. She then took me to the hospital. Laurel and Susannah went there and the doctors told them that I tried killing myself. They brought a psychologist to ask me why I tried and I just told them that I just wanted to be with my parents. After that I went to therapy for two years and I'm on anti depressants. I've been getting better but it's hard. "

i look up at Conrad and he immediately hugs me. I hug back. He holds on to me like if he lets go if be gone and I did the same.

1k words

A/n- hey guys i just wanted to say that you guys can always message me or talk to me about anything, like if your going through the these things feel free to talk to me because I've had some personal experience with some of this stuff. Also I wont be posting as often since my school started.

P.S- I Love ya guys<3