Cassette

1. Ghost

It started five years ago. Every day was hell to me, everywhere I see. I could see ghosts. I can't differentiate those that are ghosts and those who aren't. I go out, I talked to someone, and they turned out to be terrifying ghosts. They followed me home, always asking for my help. I can't help them.

I am just a normal human being. I am not rich nor am I capable.

I tried to get rid of them.

To the best of my ability but whatever methods that I used. They never go away. Exorcism, praying, Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity. I tried all their methods. I stayed at churches, temples, mountains, and rivers, but even there I could never rid of myself of them. They followed me whether it was day or night.

There are many types, those who ignored me were the best.

These ghosts, some of them didn't even realize they have died and continued living like how they were alive. Those are a bit tricky because I can't tell them apart from the ordinary. I talked to them as if they were alive but me, who weren't normal only cause disturbance to their undead life, making them realize that they were dead.

Just like how they are living in a world apart from ours, 'they' too lived in their world. That was supposed to be called normal. But I, who is abnormal, a being that could see and feel both worlds.

And it made those from their world, who has regrets want to cross over, to pass on messages, to their families, friends or to their loved ones. Or just to get revenge for their grievances. While some ghosts just hated me, playing a joke, haunting me for fun. Those were the worst.

It was a living nightmare. My normal daily life. It's not interesting.

Just like how kids bully each other. I was being bullied. It wasn't special.

Just like how in the workplace, people don't talk to those who don't benefit them. It wasn't special.

Just like how in society, people isolate those who are queer. It wasn't special.

It's just life.

The only difference, the perpetrators are ghosts instead.

Insomnia accompanied me, depression following suit.

Delirious is my little name.

I can't remember, who am I?

What am I?

Why am I here?

Okay, I know the answer to that last question.

My shirt fluttering in the wind. I haven't changed for quite some time. The dirt and grime didn't affect me. My eyes stared at the ocean; the darkness that seemed infinite stretching out in front of me.

My legs in the sand, as waves washed up to my ankles. The back and forth was comforting.

The cold water was freezing and the weight as I slowly sink into the sand, and of course the ghosts that I wasn't supposed to meet yet have met, standing beside me.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

I thought it was hallucination just like those around me.

The meds are to blame.

Those horrible meds.

They are useless.

I can't tell no more.

But ghosts aren't usually pretty, most of the time 95% of them looked terrible.

I can't tell but I still answered.

"I want to die, so I might join them," I said as I stared at the ghosts that were grabbing onto my legs.

She didn't reply, "Do you? Really?"

"Yeah."

Then suddenly, she started kicking away at the ghosts that were clambering up my legs.

"Now you can't," she said gleefully.

I sat down on the sand, the water soaking my clothes as I cried.

"You know. I can solve this problem you have."

"What problem do I have?" I asked her.

"This thing that making you keep seeing us."

"Wasn't dying the only solution?"

"Nope. You are just increasing our numbers. What you are doing is quite useless."

I stood up, ignoring her words, and walked into the dark waters.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To my death," in denial of her words.

She stood in front of me and slapped me in the face.

I was in shock.

The pain bought some of senses back.

"What are you doing?!"

"Nothing," she laughed.

"You do not exist anymore. And I will soon cease to exist too," I yelled in her face.

"No, you are not."

"How would you know!"

"I just know, deep down. You really want to live. That's what everyone living wanted to do. Just like how a child says they don't want to grow up, a blushing bride who says they don't want to get married and how an old man says he wants to die."

I ignored her and continued.

She pushed me and I fell into the water with a splash.

"What are you doing again?!"

"Do not do something that you might regret!"

"I wasn't regretting anything!"

"You will! You will. Surely. Forever!"

"You don't understand."

"You are the one who doesn't understand," said the ghost.

She too started crying.

Now, I am the one who suddenly felt bad. I reached out to her. I took her hands in mine. It was the first time I didn't thought that all ghosts are bad. I did something I never did before. I asked her, "Do you need help?" Her glistening eyes blinked like the stars above, she wiped away her ghostly tears and told me, "Don't die."

"Why?"

"Because that's all I wanted to do is live."

I can't help but felt an insurmountable melancholy. It felt like a joke.

A human who wants to die and a ghost who wants to live.

I fell back into the water; the buoyancy bought my body to the surface as the ghost looking down on me shone with a smile.