Afterglow ❃ l.m.j

• chapter fifteen •

A light tap on the door seemed to bounce off the walls.

When I didn't answer, there was another tap, this one more rhythmic and a decibel or two louder. It rose above the commotion of the club outside but I didn't even have the heart to care. I was still wiping the tears from my eyes. My breaths were shallow as they passed from my lips. Whoever was sitting by the door had no intentions of leaving. I could tell by the way the shadow underneath the door didn't budge.

The person knocked again, this time speaking too. "Peach? It's me. Al told me you were in here."

I squeezed my eyes even tighter. The shame of being upset racked my body just as hard as my shock from the revelation. It was all too overwhelming for me to comprehend. My fists balled up in my lap.

Normani's voice was quieter. "I get it if you don't want to talk."

A few seconds rolled by, of which I fought my head and my heart over what vulnerability I was comfortable showing her. I was lucky enough to make my decision before she left the doorway completely.

The hinges squeaked as I opened the door to the dark office just enough for her to see my face. I rubbed my sleeve at my nose.

"Hey." I mumbled. Her brown eyes were looking into mine with so much care and sympathy I had to look away.

"Hey. Is it - can I come in?"

I stepped aside just enough for her to weasel her way in. Then, I shut the door behind us. We were both engulfed in the dark.

"Are you more comfortable sitting in the dark?"

I hugged my arms around myself. "She has a mirror in front of where I'm sitting and..." A soft sigh escaped me along with a fresh set of tears. "I just really don't want to see myself right now."

"That's okay. We can sit in the dark. I just wanted to come check on you, I hope that's okay." When I didn't answer, the brunette continued. "I, uh, I get if you don't want to talk. I honestly didn't know what to expect or how to comfort you. But I couldn't help myself from trying."

I nodded slowly even though she couldn't see me. Clearing my throat, I began to talk.

"It's triggering and hard to process all at the same time. I feel like I'm in college again - having people love me until they find out who I really am, and then I'm a monster." Remembering where the chair was, I  curved around her body to sit down again. "I know it's not the same thing. Anyone with eyes could see that Cherry didn't like me. But I never thought it was to this extent. I've never done anything to her, I've literally been nothing but nice. We've been working alongside each other on that stage for nine months, she could've just talked to me if she felt this strongly!"

A soft sigh left Normani's lips, but I could tell it wasn't one of annoyance.

"When some people feel threatened, they lash out. And I'm not saying it to say that she's right. But look at you. The headliner for Sacrificial Saturdays? Do you know that people walk into the place asking for you and if you're dancing that night? I wouldn't be surprised if she was jealous. You're a beautiful woman with a good percentage of the spotlight. Maybe she just felt cast aside, so she wanted to bring you down a notch."

My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to process her theory. Jealous or not, I couldn't bring myself to understand it. Keying my car? Outing me? There were so many other ways she could've went about things that were less volatile. And now it's going to be hard to walk in the room and look her in the eyes knowing what I know. It all just made my blood boil. I unfurled my fists to scratch at my thighs in hopes that the sensation would throw me off.

"You don't have to find a solution right now. It's okay to just be upset, it's a big thing. Don't overwhelm yourself trying to be strong and vulnerable all at the same time, you can just be one."

I dug my nails into my skin at her words. Why was it so hard to just take her advice? Why couldn't this just be another thing to roll off of my back? It's not like I haven't been through this before.

But at the same time, that's exactly what makes it so infuriating. I've been through this before. At different stages of my life and in different ways. And it makes me feel so unsafe every time. I literally stayed at Heaven's Door because it was the one place that I didn't need to worry about something like this for the past three years. Sure, some girls were petty or had a stick up their ass. But I knew not to take it personal. This, was hard not to though.

"I'm so tired." I whispered into the bleak air. My words hung there for a minute as if setting the tone was enough. Thankfully, Normani didn't speak another word and just sat with me in comfortable silence. It was such a small thing but the effort was big in my eyes. I made a mental note to thank her later.

We stayed like that for a minute or two more before she said something about having to get back to the bar to relieve the other bartender and seeing me later. All of it went in one ear and out the other as I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Set or not, I had to go back out there. Hiding in this office wasn't going to fix my problems and I didn't have the time to find a solution.

The show must go on.