Love and Monsters

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[Waste ground]

(A young man is stumbling over broken bricks and rubble until he comes to a row of old warehouses with metal doors, and a blue police telephone box outside them. He goes up to it and touches it, reverently.)

ROSE [OC]: Doctor, Maddie, and Y/N! Doctor, Maddie, and Y/N, the trap!

(The young man runs into the unit.)

[Warehouse]

MADDIE [OC]: Where's he gone? Can you see him?

LOKI [OC]: There he is! Stop. No! Watch out! There!

Y/N [OC]: Where? Where?

(He goes down the metal staircase to a lit corridor with lots of doors coming off it, and hears a growling sound. A bright light shines under the door at the far end. The young man opens the door and comes face to face with a bad tempered alien with lots of teeth. A Hoix, according to the cast list.)

ELTON [on camera]: That's what it did. It went roar! And if you think that was the most exciting day of my life, wait till you hear the rest. Oh boy.

(Elton, the young man, is making a video diary in his flat.)

ELTON [on camera]: So there I was, with that thing going roar!

(Elton backs away. The Doctor, Maddie, and Y/N come up behind the alien waving a pork chop.)

DOCTOR: Here, boy. Eat the food. Come on, look at the lovely food. Isn't that nice? Isn't it? Yes, it is. Get out of here, quickly. That's a boy. Wouldn't you like a porky-choppy then? I said run!

(Elton runs for the stairs. Rose, Loki, Pippa, and Piro come the other way carrying a blue bucket of steaming something, and yelling. She throws the contents of the bucket over the alien.)

MADDIE: Wrong one. You made it worse.

PIPPA: You said blue!

Y/N: I said not blue.

(The alien chases Rose, Loki, Pippa, and Piro.)

DOCTOR: Hold on!

(The Doctor, Maddie, and Y/N close the door behind them, then we get a standard farce chase of people running in and out of doors across the corridor. Then Rose, Loki, Pippa, and Piro somehow acquired a red bucket and the alien is running from them and the Doctor, Maddie, and Y/N. The Doctor, Maddie, and Y/N return on their own.)

MADDIE: Hold on. Don't I know you?

(Elton runs outside and hears the Tardis dematerialising.)

ELTON [OC]: You can't imagine it. The Doctor's, Maddie's, and Y/N's machine. The most beautiful sound in the world.

[Elton's bedsit]

(A converted attic with settee under the dormer window, computer desk opposite, bed in the middle. The video diary is made from the computer desk.)

ELTON [on camera]: Yet that wasn't the first time I met the Doctor, Maddie, and Y/N, and it certainly wasn't the last. Oh, no. I just put that bit at the beginning because it's a brilliant opening, but this is the story of me, and my encounters with alien lifeforms. But be warned, because it is going to get scary. I need a remote control zoom. I'm having to do that with the lean. The scary. But look, don't worry, 'because it's not just me sitting here talking. Oh, no.

[Street]

ELTON [on camera]: That's Ursula on camera.

URSULA [OC]: Hello.

ELTON [on camera]: My good friend, Ursula Blake, on my brand new camera.

(Dodgy zoom to a terraced house.)

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