24 | Apalled

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Mature Audience ||  TW

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Mature Audience ||  TW

I stared at the blank, white wall with nothing but pure hatred. My ears were ringing, and I couldn't physically even cry anymore. My body felt numb, what was even worse is that my father did this to me. He's the man that's supposed to protect me the most, my first love yet he's everything but that, he's the first man to ever break my heart.

"I am truly sorry, Mrs. Rhodes." The doctor says, my hearing was finally coming back and my eyes focused on her.

I wanted to tell her I wasn't married yet but I can't even manage to do that right now.

"How far along was I?" I asked, my fingers playing with the hospital band around my wrist.

The doctor had a look on her face, almost like she didn't want to answer my question to avoid any further pain but there was nothing she could ever do to make this feel any better.

"Roughly 7 weeks." She responded, very quietly.

My hand pressed against my forehead, and tears were starting to form all over again. It had a heartbeat already, my entire body wanted to shut down, and prayed this bed would swallow me whole. My lips quivered with a painful exhale, my head turned to face the wall.

"We'd like to keep you overnight just to observe you a little longer." She said.

I nodded while wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't want my husband to know how far along I was, understood?"

"Of course, it's your privacy and right."

"And I'd appreciate it if you could tell everyone in the waiting room that I can't take visitors right now." I whispered.

"Are you sure? I recommend being around people who love yo-"

"If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone now." My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat.

She didn't say anything before walking out and softly closing the door behind her.

The room felt empty, and dark almost like a huge cloud hovered above it. That feeling was overwhelming, it physically was making me want to rip out all my hair. The wall in front of me had no color or feeling, but I guess walls never really do have feelings. Why was I so fixated on a wall? Because I was afraid of facing my painful reality.

A quiet sob left my lips, my wrist touched my mouth as I tried to hold in my cries. My body was starting to shake with how hard my tears were pouring from my eyes, and my other hand clutched my empty stomach wishing everything was different.

It's no secret that I didn't want a child but I never thought I'd lose a child, it didn't deserve to die like that. I would've never walked inside that room if I had known that I was carrying a child, it's my fault that it's dead. This pain was nonnegotiable, it was eating me from the inside out and all I can do about it is cry.

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