Disequilibrium

Part 2: Sophomore Year - Scene 9 (i)

Spring

 

"Christmas is here / winds whistle shrill / icy and chill / little care we / little we fear / weather without / shelter'd about / The Mahogany Tree."

Stifled laughter erupts behind me, but I continue either way.

"Once on the boughs / birds of rare plume / sang, in its bloom / here we carouse / singing, like them / perch'd round the stem / of the jolly old tree."

The laughter is louder now.

"Here let us sport / boys, as we sit—"

"I'm sorry, Holden, but is this really what you spent the Christmas doing?"

My history teacher's comment only sparks more laughter from the boys sitting behind me. She shoots them a warning eye before looking back at me, waiting for an honest answer. I scratch my head and shrug.

"No, but I think Thackeray's Christmas was much better than mine. And besides, I don't understand why we have to talk about Christmas when it's already over. Shouldn't we be doing something relevant to the course?"

She smiles a little. I don't like her much, Mrs. Whatsherface. What the hell is her name? "But it is relevant, Holden. I just want to see what Christmas means to us now versus what it meant many years ago. Now, please, tell us about your Christmas. Everybody went through theirs."

I sigh and massage my temple. "It's been two months since Christmas, and mine wasn't as great as everyone else's."

"I'd still like to hear about it, please."

No, she wouldn't, but she has to. That's one thing with teachers. You can always tell when they don't want to be there but they are. They're not far off from the students, I guess.

By that tight smile on her face, I can tell I'm making her job ten times more difficult. Fine. "My dad invited his girlfriend over. She made breakfast for us."

Whatsherface lets out a huff of air. "Now how is that bad? Was the—?"

"We had a fight. I left and wandered around in the cold since he told me not to come back." That shut her up. "I went to my friend Casper's house. It was obvious he was having a better Christmas than I was, but we didn't talk about that."

Someone coughs awkwardly in the room. Seabrook kids still can't get over the fact that Casper gives me the time of day even though it's been about a year now. I don't understand what the big deal is.

"Go on, Holden." Whatsherface moves her chin and rests it against her hands, looking interested even though I know she's not.

"He told me he was leaving that day. We didn't talk much after that—not until January twenty-seventh when we said bye to each other at the airport. It was also my birthday. So yeah, not the best break."

"Come on, Mrs. Dubanowski—" so that's her name. "—you don't believe him, do you? I mean, even you knew Casper. Would he really spend time with someone like him on Christmas?"

Dubanowski opens her mouth, but another kid cuts her to it. "Nah, I think it's true. Winston told me he saw him standing outside the house like some creep—"

"Alright, that's enough." Dubanowski stands from her desk. She says, "Thank you for sharing, Holden," when I know she would've liked it if I had shut up. I sink lower in my seat and keep my eyes trapped on the desk, grinding my lip between my teeth.

Dubanowski's writing something on the board but I'm not listening. I'm just thinking about him. What would he have said if he were here? How would he leave them in awe? Would he even take part? Or would he give a snarky comment about Christmas?