seraphic [h.s]

chapter fifty nine.

"So, how does it feel to be in love?"

I stared at Dee. I'd stare at her words too if they were physical. That was a heavy question.

"I don't even know how I would begin to explain it." I told her honestly. I was never quite good at explaining emotions. Putting a description to what I was feeling. I could feel it all inside of me, sparking and alive, yet when the time came to put them into words, my mind stalled.

Dee took a slow sip from her takeaway coffee cup, swallowed and then said, "That good, huh? Or you don't know how to describe it?"

I didn't even need to think about that answer. It also made me feel extremely grateful that Dee was on board with everything that had happened with Harry. Having her support was another feeling I wasn't truly able to formulate words for.

"Both," I said, pondering, "But I don't know, Dee, I feel like myself. More like myself than I ever have. Things are peaceful. Calm. He just gets me, and... and nothing else really makes sense. He makes sense. I think he's good for me." I chewed on the insides of my cheeks before taking a sip from my own takeaway cup. My own words made me cringe but they were true.

After Harry had left the apartment a couple of afternoons ago, Dee had sprinted to my room like her life depended on it and demanded to hear every word that she had missed out on. Her demand was more of an I-know-you-have-things-to-tell-me-so-I-would-suggest-telling-me-please kind of look. And I had. I told her all of it. The chat Harry and I had had. The break through that had happened in the kitchen and then the break through of my own thoughts. She listened to every word.

Her words of encouragement were the exact kind I'd needed. Like always. She managed to make me feel even more supported and okay. I valued her thoughts and opinions highly and she never failed to make me realise that I was allowed to feel happy. There was so much stigma around second chances and I think that had been something I was afraid of. But not all situations applied to that. And for once I had to make an all or nothing decision. Dee only made me feel even more certain in my decision of choosing 'all'.

"It quite literally freaks me out how much you guys have changed," She shivered for the full effect, "But in like the best possible way ever." Her boots secured to the floor and she rolled her way over to my station in her swivel chair.

Once she reached me, she leant an elbow on the leather client chair and shook her head, "Think about it, right... I've been there to see it all. From the time I banged the fuck outta the hotel room door, to now." I watched as she placed her coffee on the chair beside us, leaning forward, her lips quivered a little when she said, "You're my best fucking friend, Mae."

The corners of my lips turned down a tad, matching her own, "You're my best friend too, Dee. Honestly don't know what I'd do without you." And that was the whole truth. I couldn't see a life where she wasn't in it.

"You know, I've never felt so certain that somebody was going to be in my life and be in it forever. Like actually stay. You make me feel it and know. I know we're gonna be rockin' it for life." She was doing that sad smile thing that actually meant she was really happy.

I smiled wide as I told her, "We're gonna be rocking it for-fucking-ever. Nobody's ever had me like you have. Like you do. Like I know you will."

"Are you on your period too?" She gasped, a tear cruising down her cheek.

"Yes! You as well?" My mouth was wide as she began nodding her head vigorously.

More tears were rushing down her face as fresh ones started slipping from my own. Once she realised I was tearing up that made her go even harder. "Oh god," She sniffled, wiping furiously at her eyes, "I'm so proud of you. Do you know how much I love you?" She asked like the answer was insane.