Chapter 21- You are just healing

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hello my lovelies,

I hope you had a great day today and if not, I promise you there will be better times.

Have fun reading and always remember that you are amazing and enough.

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I love you, bye.

I love you, bye

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Important note and TW:Mental health struggles/ mention of abuse/ mention of self harm

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Important note and TW:
Mental health struggles/ mention of abuse/ mention of self harm.

This chapter could be a little emotional, so please be careful when you read this and remember no one is forcing you. I am proud of you and take care:)

Have you ever sat on your bed with your gaze staring at the wall as if the white surface could pull you in and save you from the world collapsing around you?

Only now, nothing around me is breaking in or radically changing till I am bleeding from not accommodating to the pain of a different life.

The feelings I have known my entire life are back and as always I am surprised about them returning even though they are as certain as our death.
We are all going to die and still every time it happens we are dragged down by the surprise and our sorrow and pain pull our hearts out as if it wouldn't have been destined.

Every time the feelings are coming back and every time I am hoping for a different outcome but reading the same page over and over again won't change the ending.

Before every call, every word my mother mutters the hope fills my heart and still the disappointment, the hurt, the anger comes back to bring pain to me.
Sometimes I want to erase my memory so I would feel the hurt for the first time because isn't it another kind of torture to know you were as naïve as the first time?

But I can't help it. The sweet voice of people who I was taught will move mountains for me and sail entire oceans would always be the ones I want to love me the most. I crave the belonging of a family and even though I have the best friends I wouldn't trade for anything, I can't imagine ever letting the wanting for this love go.

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