TONIGHT - SAVIOTT [TRANSLATION/ENG]

DAVE, I HATE YOU

-How are you Richard? -I hate it when he calls me that- I was afraid that today I couldn't kiss you...

-That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about- I didn't finish the sentence when he pushed me against his body and kissed me again, I wanted to push him and yell at him, but I hugged him...

-... Everything is fine... Dave... -his cold eyes fixed on me, I felt a chill, very different from the one I felt with that boy this morning... It was pain... I really wanted to push him away, but I was not able to move away... His hug was not strong but every time he hugged me I remained motionless...

He bought me a drink, and another, and another, until I was drunk enough to play along with him... That's how it always was.
He cupped my cheeks and gave me a look. The one that indicated that he was going to take me to bed, he did so, like every night for months, undressed me, threw me against the bed and without a single caress... A whisper... Or a simple "I love you, sav" he fucked me like any other whore, that you meet on the street, screw her in a thousand ways and throw her away...
I didn't even enjoy the nights with him but... Nobody else was going to kiss me, hug me or sleep with me... I was so convinced of that that I let the same story happen thousands and thousands of times...
The next morning, I barely remembered falling asleep in his arms, when he pushed me away... I stayed on one side of the bed, closed my eyes and when I opened them, he was gone... I hit the mattress with enormous force , he had done it again, I'm just a toy for Dave... I hate him I HATE HIM I HATE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART... But no one will ever love a person like me... Only him...
I cried a little bitterly and didn't even bother to get ready, I dressed in the first thing I could find, that is, a black and white checkered shirt and jeans, and I headed to the studio, defeated, when I saw something that broke me into pieces. ..

I had never seen Dave before eight o'clock at night, and in a situation other than having drinks at the bar, or sex at my house... But there he was, with some random girl, kissing her as if she were his soulmate... Caressing each section of her skin with all the love that he never gave me...
I held back and swallowed all the hate, I went to rehearsal and it seems that they had started without me

-Hey Sav, where were you? -Steve looked unconcerned

-... I just fell asleep... -Joe turned to look at me, he seemed to realize that something was wrong

-Hey eh... Sav... Can I have a minute with you outside? -I nodded and he took me to the corridor for a few minutes- Is everything okay? You look sad...

I looked into his eyes, I felt so comfortable that I allowed myself to break down and cry... I felt how he hugged me calmly and caressed my back

-calm down... Let off steam... -the way i needed a hug like that was indescribable... I hugged him tight and he took me to get some air out of the place- do you feel any better?

-I think so... -I sighed and dried my tears with my hands

-... Do you think you can tell me what happens? No pressure, only if you feel comfortable telling me... -his deep and calm voice transmitted so much peace to me... He still had me in his arms and he didn't want me to let go... He smelled of tobacco and old perfume, and his clothes It was soft, so soft that I fell asleep in his arms...

When I opened my eyes I was lying in a bed that I did not know... I looked around me, it was half past eight at night, there was no one around... I cringed, about to cry, I was alone again...

-Hey how are you? Someone sat next to me. .. He smelled of tobacco and old perfume, and he smiled widely, I felt an immense joy flood me inside
-... What am I doing here Joe...?
-You fell asleep earlier and... I assumed you hadn't slept much so I brought you to my house so you could rest easy...
He was there... He was there when I closed my eyes... And also when I opened them... And without realizing it, Dave disappeared from my head for a few minutes...