Too Late To Say Goodbye | Tommy Shelby {1}

84.

They had been home just short of two hours.

Neither of the two have been able to shake their nerves from what happened. It was too close this time.

When they got to their home on Watery Lane, Linda was there with Charlie. Bella told her that he could stay them, and sensing the tension from the two Linda left to give them time alone.

Tommy has yet to say a word.

Even when Polly came in to find out what had happened after hearing about a shooting in the square, Bella explained while Tommy stood off to the side. Polly agreed to gather the family for a meeting, they'll all be here later today.
So then the three of them were left alone again.

Bella sat on the floor of the living room next to Charlie. Trying to distract her mind by playing with his trains with him, and trying to warm herself up by the fire.
Baby was there too, he was laying by Tommy's feet, who was sitting in a chair off to the side against the wall.
Bella thinks the pup could tell that something was wrong.

Seeing as Charlie was blissfully entertaining himself with the toys, Bella took the opportunity to look behind her at Tommy. He was slouched back in the chair, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips and his eyes were distance. Psychically he was here but not mentally.
And this worried her.

She took Charlie's distraction as an opportunity to to stand up, making her way to him. She's been trying to keep herself collected, not wanting to scare the young boy, but Tommy's having a harder time than her.

Gently pulling the cigarette out of his mouth, his eyes slowly moved to her. Bella saw the desperation in his eyes, a plead to help ease whatever thoughts he had running through his head.

"C'mere" she whispered, squatting in between his knees and gently grabbing a hold of his cheeks, pulling him closer.
He obliged, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead on hers. Softly gripping her wrists.

They stayed silent for a few moment before Tommy finally broke the silence,
"I don't understand" he told her

She frowned, not knowing what he meant by that. "What don't you understand, Tommy?"

They were talking in hushed voices, not wanting Charlie to hear. Tommy let out a shaky breath, still not opening his eyes.
"...I don't understand why you haven't left, Bella. With everything I've put you through, i dont know why you're still here...with me."

Her mouth fell open with surprise and sadness. Pulling away wanting him to look at her, feeling her heart break that this is the thought that has been torturing him.

He didn't open his eyes, it was almost as if he didn't want to face her, just letting his head hang down on its own.
"Tommy...look at me..."

He shook his head. "Maybe...maybe if you weren't pregnant...it would've been easier...it would've been easier for you to get on that boat with him. Where you'd be safe and could live a happy life in New York."

She felt the silent tears on her cheeks. Her heart ripping in two at his insecurity. Pregnant or not she would never leave him, she loves him. But now she was starting to think that maybe he regrets the fact that she actually was pregnant.
"Don't say that." She begged "do-do you regret our engagement? O-or our baby?" Having a hard time getting her words out.

His head came up then, looking her straight in the eyes. He didn't mean to hurt her. Shaking his head,
"No, never...you're all I've ever wanted and our baby is already one of my greatest treasures...but I almost lost both of you today, and this wasn't the first time I've put you in that situation"