Before You Go {Alicia Clark x Reader}

eleven: choices kill

Heavy breathes escape their lips. Shouting continuing as blood splatters and a body now lies dead. Shaky hands covered in blood as their eyes open and close. The events that just unfolded ran fast through their mind, trying to process everything. But it all became a blur within moments till hands were felt wrapped around their shoulders and a soft voice in their ear.

"Hey, hey, look at me," Alicia whispers into Y/n's ear before moving around in front of her, cupping Y/n's cheeks. "Y/n?" Alicia's green eyes frantically flick back and forth between Y/n's, looking past all the blood. The mix of her own and Chris' as her head slowly shakes back and forth. Y/n's eyes bugging out of her head looking at Alicia before slowly looking over at Chris as blood piles around him.

"I..I killed him," Y/n whispers, her voice low. "I didn't- I didn't. Oh my god."

"Y/n breathe. You need to breathe," Alicia speaks, rubbing her thumbs back and forth on the girl's cheeks as someone walks up and drops to their knees. Alicia turns her head briefly as Y/n jumps seeing Travis on his knees, looking sad but not shocked at the sight of his son.

"Travis...I'm so-so sorry," Y/n says, looking at the man as her lips stay separated shaking her head. Alicia shakes her own head, pulling Y/n's attention back on her.

"Look at me. Breathe," Alicia whispers again. Y/n's eyes staying locked on Alicia's.

"I killed him, A. I killed a kid," Y/n whispers as people running up to where the three, four were.

"Jesus christ," a voice spoke as another pair of hands are felt on Y/n. However her eyes slowly trailed to Chris' body. His eyes wide open but lifeless. Tears well into her eyes as she's lifted on her feet. Alicia staying right beside her as the one pair of hands let go and another wraps around her, taking her away from the scene.

"Mom-"

"Alicia follow me," Madison's voice spoke right beside Y/n as Y/n could no longer see Chris, but the image of him burning inside her head. The image of his life leaving his eyes the moment she pulled the trigger the second time. The look of shock and pain spreading across his face the moment she managed to actually pull the trigger. And now she had his blood all over her hands and splattered across her face, that merges with her own from where he was hitting her. To some it could be seen as an art piece. The beauty of blood mixing together but to others, a crime of war. A disaster that shouldn't of happened but did and there's no changing any of it.

"Look at me. Hey, hey," Madison spoke leaning Y/n up against the truck, grabbing a towel and wiping the girl's face. Y/n doesn't flinch, only stares scared and worried at what's in front of her. Sure it was Madison, but she looked right through her as the woman wiped and cleaned off her face.

"Mom, it wasn't her fault. They were fighting and one thing lead to another and then the trigger got pulled," Alicia was trying to explain as she worriedly watched her mother clean the blood.

"I killed him..." Y/n whispers, tears slipping down her face. "I didn't...I didn't want too."

"Y/n, sweetie," Madison spoke trying to be gentle but actually shaking Y/n as she cups the girl's face in her the palm of her hands. Y/n's teary eyes meet Madison's and Madison's eyes switch. "You need to take some breathes and snap out of it. I need you to tell me exactly what happened."

"Mom, I don't-"

"Alicia!" Madison snaps, cutting Alicia off and causing her to zip her lips. Alicia bites her bottom lip, crossing her arms over her chest as her green eyes switch to Y/n who closes her eyes a moment. Flashes of what happened crossing her mind swiftly, not just of Chris but a moment from the pass. Swiftly her eyes open and she bends over pushing herself away from the truck and runs away from the mother and daughter. She doesn't go far though, only away from the two as she bends over and throw up makes it way out of her throat, all over the ground.

"Mom, it was self-defense. He tackled her and they were on the ground fighting. She reached for something to help and then they started messing around with his gun and that's when the trigger was pulled," Alicia explains as Y/n throws up again, staying bent over. Exhaustion and pain filling her.

"Damn it," Madison mumbles walking over to Y/n, gently placing her hand on the girl's back, rubbing her hand in circles. After several moments Y/n stands up straight as Madison stops rubbing circles around her back, removing her hand. She takes a step back and waits a moment, glancing over her shoulder to her daughter who stands by the truck, worry written all over her face. The woman's eyes shift once more and swiftly tear from Alicia's and back to Y/n who slowly turns.

"I'm sorry," Y/n whispers, only Madison being able to hear. Madison shakes her head.

"It was self-defense," Madison said, placing her hands on Y/n's shoulders, gently shaking the girl. Their eyes now locking. "He attacked you first?" Y/n slowly nods her head up and down causing Madison to nod back. "Good. See, everything's fine."

"Fine? Madison...I just killed a kid," Y/n whispers and Madison's eyes shrink looking back and forth between Y/n's teary, tired eyes. They examine the girl in front of her. Her daughter's best friend stood with pain, concern and heart ache as she looked back at the woman. Madison shuts her eyes a moment and swiftly pulls the girl into her, wrapping her arms around Y/n. Hesitation and confusion smear against Y/n as her eyes look out locking with Alicia's.

Madison squeezes the girl she holds slowly feeling Y/n drape her arms around her.

"This doesn't define who you are. It doesn't define what you did in the past, we do what we must to survive out here now. It was self-defense. He's two years younger than you," Madison whispers into Y/n's ear as Y/n shakes her head. "Stop, stop. He was a monster. You saved me and you saved Alicia earlier. Sooner or later, he would have been dead. It's okay. No one blames you."

"I blame me...It's happening again..." Y/n's words trail and realization hits Madison. However, they stay hugging. Madison processing and trying to piece things in her head before finally giving Y/n one last final squeeze before pulling away and locking their eyes.

"Kid-"

"MADISON! We got walkers!" Strand shouts, cutting Madison off. All heads turn to where Strand points. Madison's eyes go wide, and she reaches into her back pocket pulling out her pistol.

"EVERYONE IN THE TRUCK!" Madison shouts, reaching over and grabbing Y/n's hand pushing her over to Alicia. She rushes over as Alicia hands Y/n her shot gun, the two of them getting into the back of the pick-up. Strand, Ofelia, Daniel, Nick and Travis all running down the hill, some shooting their weapons as Madison puts in the gas, the little they found. "HURRY!"

Everyone soon gets to the truck. Everyone piling in as Madison hits the gas, Nick being the last one in, pulling himself up onto the end of the truck and flipping over. Alicia helps him in, falling back but Y/n catches her, gently letting go moments later. However, the girl's green eyes look at the girl she saw just murder someone before following her eyesight to the hoard of zombies trailing behind but getting farther and farther away from them. Silence surrounding everyone, leaving them only with the thoughts up inside their head.